SPEAKER_00 0:04

That wasn't the plan. Well, hi Emily. Hi, Courtney Holland. How are you? I'm well. How are you, dear? I'm good. Welcome to the show. What? I was gonna say you look a little sleefers. Like me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Well, I would like to welcome you to That Wasn't the Plan podcast. It's nice to see you. I like your color dimensions.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Thank you. You know, it's almost June, and I kind of felt the red and green Christmas vibe today. Merry Christmas. You know, fuck it. Yeah, and happy new year. Happy Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah festivals. Yeah. And putting Kungs out there out there. Eat a church. Kung Hei Fat Choi. I remember learning that when I was a kid. Fat Choi. What is that? You remember? No. Happy New Year. Oh, Kung He Fat Choi. Yeah. Beautiful. I'm going to find out.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Well, thanks for being on. Thanks for everybody for listening. Talking about it. Kung Hei Fat Choi. Oh, goodness. Is it rainy where you are? I mean, you're in Seattle, so I imagine.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah, no, we've had a bit of the May Gray, you know, for a few weeks here, but today's actually quite sunny and beautiful. And oh good. I know. I'm thinking to go for a little walk after this before I need to jump back into all my work right now. I've got a lots of work to get done. Um, oh boy. But it's like a beautiful day. And then I think tomorrow's supposed to be somewhat nice, and then we get kind of gray and rainy again next week. So oh yeah. It's gray and rainy here for sure. Is it? Has it been that way for a while?

SPEAKER_01 1:55

No, it wasn't like this yesterday, but it's supposed to be like this all weekend, and my parents um were gonna have all of us to the lake. So now I'm not sure if we're going to the lake. Honestly, I would be cool just going on my own because if Lindsay, my sister, and my niece are going, it'll be a nice little chill, bring the puppies, but yeah, we'll see how it goes. Um so oh go ahead. Has your new puppy seen water yet? Like a lake. See, she was at the I had her at the lake uh a couple weeks ago when Jonathan and I went up, and Paolo was, you know, giving her the rundown. He's like, we we go for the squils, we kill the we try to get a squil, we never do, and then we also run down to the dock and we get in the water and we drink the water and it gives us diarrhea for the couple of days after the lake. But that's what we do. Is Paolo from Boston? I don't know what I guess. We go down to the dock and you drink the water. You drink the water, and then you know, you run around, you know, you run around a lot. And then your grandfather is gonna ask your mom where where's your dog at? And she never knows. So that was but it's funny because my dad, like, I think I've said this before. When I'm at the lake, he'll say like one or two things to me, and it's it's always like, Hey girl, how you doing? And also, Courtney, where is your dog? You always wants to know where my dog is. I have, yeah. Courtney, where is your dog? Can you hear the puppy? The puppy is crying. She's gonna A little bit. Yeah, I can hear it a little bit. Sorry about that. She's gonna cry herself to sleep. She will like we all do. She will realize no one's coming to save her, which we all do. Yeah. Um, but it so I had an interesting week, and I'm I'm dying to know what you would do in this situation. So two sit two scenarios. First one, I'm at a store and I'm walking past, you know, racks and racks of clothes. I um it was TJ Maxx or Home Goods or what something like that. But as I'm walking, you know, I make eye contact with a woman. She is in one of the aisles and she's shoving shirts into her pants. And I just am like, huh. So I just keep walking and I'm thinking, am I supposed to report this? I but I didn't. Like I was like, my instinct was like you're on your own journey, like I'm not judging you.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

Like Yeah, it's none of your business. Right. Also, I kind of like I kind of feel like, you know, big corporate box store, they've got insurance, they're covered, like those clothes, especially, you know, it's you know, discounted items that you know that other stores g sell them so that they can right. I don't I ex I don't know exactly how it works, but I feel like, you know, this person maybe needs those items. It's none of your business. You right to kind of get involved with. If it was like a mom and pop shop, I don't know. I'd I'd feel a little different, especially if you were a patron that, you know, frequented there or something and it was obvious. Or I I feel that way about food too. If you see somebody's dealing with the man, fucking let them eat. Right. Maybe she really needed those clothes for her kids.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I mean, things are well, and I think she had a bunch of kids with her and she was in the kids section. Okay. Um, so yeah, I just but it made me think I was like, hmm, what like I won't steal it, but I am not gonna pass judgment on anybody that does.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Like you gotta say, I'm gonna drink. I won't steal it, but yeah. I mean, me and my friend Gina, um, when we were oh gosh, freshman's in high school, I think we went into Target. Now I hear your puppy crying. Oh gosh. It's fine. Is it all right? It's fine. She'll if you need to get up, you can. Um let me give her a bone real quick.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

I want to hear this about Gina. Stand by. I haven't had this trouble. I think it's because she can hear my voice, maybe. Yeah. Edie son of a bitch. Stripping. Just kidding. I like her so much. So you and Gina went high. Gina and I, yeah, we were fresh.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

I think freshmen and maybe sophomores, but anyways, around that age, uh, we went into Target. I forget why we were there, but to, you know, get something. And we just happened upon like the big, you know, at the end of each aisle, they'll do like promo merch, kind of right there on the main aisle. And it was the kids' section we walked past, and I think it was these Power Ranger backpacks that were intended for like seven-year-olds. Yeah. And we grabbed them and we just put them on and went about our business in Target, and we intentionally walked out with them on and never looked back. That's Gina. That sounds like fun. Oh, Gina. Gina just passed away about two months ago, unfortunately. Um, yeah, we had a lot of fun together, and that was just one of those moments that I'll never forget. What color Power Ranger backpack did you get? They were blue. They were both blue, and then like on the smaller kind of zip on the outside, they each had like, I don't know, maybe there were the five Power Rangers or something like that. They were ridiculous. Did we ever use them? Absolutely not. I did I remember it like went into the trash a few months later. Yeah. But it was just kind of like, can we do this? We did this. Right. Look at us do this.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah. Yep. That's funny. I I was uh similar to that, I was a freshman in high school. I went to Show Choir things a lot, as you've I've repeated before. But this was in Georgia uh for Show Choir, and all the girls were at the Underground Mall in Atlanta, and I felt I was very shy, and all the girls were all like very close and older than me. And so we all went into Victoria's Secret and they were like, let's just try out lingerie. So, you know, that was weird. And but but it was fine. They were, you know, and so I I tried on a brawn underwear over my underwear, and um, then we changed out of our things and we went on our way. And then later on, I started to notice every store we walked past, the alarm would go off. And I was like, I'd forgotten to take the undies off, and they had an alarm tag on them. And I was like so embarrassed, I was like, should I tell anybody? So I told them and they're like, Listen, the police are probably looking for us. So what we're gonna do is just go to Victoria's Secret. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. They were all older than me, and I was just I was just such a dodo. I was like, Oh yeah, I forgot to take them off. Um, which was the truth. And uh, so I went back into Victoria's Secret, took them off, and left them in the dressing room. Just walking around, get a get a sense of how they feel. Okay, so um the other thing I I witnessed this week was I was at Target yesterday. Um, and I was just looking around the home goods area, and I see this kid, and he has like the classic like shaved side head and the long sweep where he like flips flips it back like the skater, little skater kid. Oh yeah. Um, I don't know what his age would be. It would be probably between 11 and 13, like young kid. So I I keep catching glimpses of him just running around and he just looks like he's up to no good. He's by himself. And I I just, you know, that's all that that was what went through my head. And then I'm in one, I turn the corner of one aisle, and he is knelt down at the bottom of the shelf, shelving, and he had the bottom piece lifted up. So he he put it down really fast and scurried off. So I'm like, shit, I really want to look in there and see what he was doing. And so I finally, because I knew if anyone passes and sees me doing it, they're gonna be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I lifted it up and there's all like like stacks of like he grabbed a stack of it's my instinct is like Roblox something or other, but I don't even know what they were. And he shoved them under there. I'm not sure what he was planning to do. I just kind of looked at it and I was like, I have no idea what this kid is doing. And so then I put it back down and went on my way, and then I saw him later with his mom, and she's also got a baby, and I was like, Oh god, her hands are full. Like, I never I never said anything to her, I didn't say anything to anyone at the store, but like, what the fuck was he doing? Like, what are Roblox? Uh, it's a kid's game, I think. Um my niece used to play. I don't think, I don't know. They kind of could have been like playing cards for like Pokemon. Oh, yeah. You know, they were in those that's the packaging, it looked like so um so if I go to Target again, I'm gonna check and see if it's still under there. Like, is he hoarding things? Like, plus, like, is that stealing? He's just shoving them under a shelf. When will anyone ever know it's there? Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Fascinating. Maybe he's so fucking bored that he's like, I have to give myself a challenge when I go to Target. Yeah, I'm just gonna start shoving things under the shelf. So I don't know. Very strange.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Very um it's nice that you're observing all this. That's fun. I'm very, I'm very um, I love shopping alone because then you can just eavesdrop and not not eavesdrop in like a net, but just like listen and hear what's going on around you. Yeah. So I kind of just am in the moment when I'm because I I yeah, and I don't like shopping, so I uh I kind of get caught up in like what's happening around me because I'm just fascinated, you know, by humans.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

We are humans weirdos.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

We are such weirdos. Um there's one other thing, and I hadn't thought of this until now. So I was leaving teaching the other day. I teach in a mall. Um and I teach in a mall. I teach I know the Jazzer Size Center is in the mall. So we're like going back to our roots, like straight up.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

So do you have to like go in the mall entrance and stuff when you get there? Uh-huh. Is it I thought you taught at like five in the morning. I do. Is it open though?

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I do. It's not, but there's a security guy that has to be there to let us in. Yeah. And it's funny because he has uh overslept a few times. And um I get it. Like I've overslept many, many, many times back in the day. I haven't overslept in years now, knock on wood, except for the 1215 class that I overslept for a couple weeks ago. Anyway, they have to let us in. So I teach the Krakodon 545, and then I teach again just a cardio set at 1215. So um I was there at 12:15. I taught, I came outside out of um the center, and in the parking lot, behind where it looks like a car would be, um, was a stroller just there by itself. And so it looked to me like somebody, bless her heart, probably had multiple children, loaded them in the car, got in the car and drove away and left the stroller there. So I'm thinking, oh, and it looked like a nice stroller. I know those aren't like cheap. And so I was like, shit, what do I do? Like, I don't want to take it and put it inside because then if they come back and it's gone, they'll think someone stole it. Yeah. I also feel weird about just leaving it in the parking lot. So I ended up leaving it. I just kind of was like, I debated over it, you know, like I was like, what would be the most helpful thing to do?

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Did you look to see if there was any kind of identification in there or a number or anything? I did. Um, and I mainly checked to see if there was a baby in it. I was like, you know, I wouldn't put that past some moms who were just like, somebody take the stretch so thin and they're like, right where did I put the fucking baby? Where's the baby? Fuck the baby. Um I actually I mean, I feel like growing up, you know, we were both you born in the 70s, late 70s, but growing up in like the 70s and 80s, latchkey kids and just moms and everything that I feel like I've heard stories of parents forgetting their kids and oh of course, of course. Um now it's totally frowned upon, but back then they were like, Jeanette, I did that last week. Jeanette, I get it. I like Jeanette. I think they slow down and light up their cigarettes and they're like, You get me.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

You don't need to wear your seatbelts. Yeah, fuck this. Um, my parents actually, when we were leaving Guam, we were at the airport, which is me and my sisters before my brother was born, and they get on the plane and they had left me accidentally with one of the people. And I can't remember now because I tell it like she's on the plane, buckled in. She's like, Do we have everything? Lindsay's here. We're good. Um, but I think she actually just started to walk away and they were like, uh, do you want to take Cordy with you? She came along to you. Yeah, she was like, All right, we'll take her. But um, so the the stroller, um, and so I asked my class about it the next the next time I taught and asking what they would do in that scenario. And they were, you know, there was a lot of different answers. So then another day, one of my students was like, I saw the stroller. They did it again. I was like, no way. Like, totally the stroller in the parking lot, same deal, nobody's there, car's gone. Like, totally different, like a week's later or something like that. So um, I was just like, what is happening? Because there's this children's museum in the mall where a lot of moms that just look like they've been beat to death are with their kids, like taking them just going to the museum. So yeah, I was like, Well, what did you do? And she said, I just left it. And I was like, Yeah, that seems like the right thing to do. Well, last week I uh I've solved it. I was walking out to the parking, I was in my car actually getting ready to go to class, and I see it, I see the stroller, and it's being pushed by a dad. Here we are accusing the mom. Yeah, and God bless him, it's the ding ding-dong dad. He looked tired and he had more than one kid. I mean, of course it could be same stroller, different dad, but I don't know. All you know, all the coincidences seem discreet.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

If he forgot it once, you think like yeah, right? He'd, you know, maybe he's a single dad, but I'd say his wife was like, Henry, you go back and you get that stroller now. Yeah. For real. That is not cheap. I feel like they're like hundreds of dollars. Yeah, I think they are. I mean, I I mean I have a stroller for my cat. Oh, and those things are not. Yeah, I do. I knew that. I knew that. I knew that. Yeah. I'll post some video of that. I'll put it in here in the setting. Please. Yes. We mostly put her in it and walk around the house and sometimes go out into the yard and walk around. I've taken her out on the sidewalk two or three times now. She hates it because she's very scared of loud noises, like if a troll goes by. It's just when she starts clawing the inside of it. I really want to take her down to the beach and on the water here. Because yes, I don't think she's ever. Well, I don't think she's ever seen like the ocean or the water or anything, you know, and had that salty sea air. So I just want to introduce her to that. It's at some point, I just I want to take her down there like on a weekday when it's not very crowded and there's not a lot of dogs or kids or any of that. But yeah. Yeah, so maybe better see the see the ocean. I know, see the sound. So I feel like everybody deserves to see the ocean once in their life. For sure. It's such a wonderful person.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Deserve. Yeah. Such a wonderful word. My mom has been using that word a lot in regards to me having a wedding. You deserve a wedding. And I'm like, you do deserve a wedding. As I've served the other, yeah. Well, so this is where my brain is now, and it changes. Um, but we have a really, you know, very bare bones, but a great large backyard. And Jonathan built a privacy fence um a little while back and built a deck, and it's a huge deck. And honestly, when he built it, and I was like, this feels like a stage. Like it's huge. Um, and uh then I we strung like those lights, you know, those like deck lights. It's charming. So I'm like, you know, mostly the idea of the wedding just stresses me out. Like, I'm not interested. I have a dress. I know you do.

unknown 18:15

I know you do.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Oh yeah, you knew it. Yeah. And um, so my mom has been like trying to figure out a way to like, and I was like, listen, I if I would be down if we did it at our house because then let the kids do what they want to do, let them drink, let them whatever, you know. And then that we're not, I just the I it just stresses me out. Like, I just it doesn't sound like fun to me. Like, sure, I would like to celebrate our love in front of the people that we love. But then I can set my mom free and just be like, d decorate it however you want. Whatever, whatever you say.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

I'm gonna propose something to you. Okay. Yes. I think it's a great idea and just keep it small, like friends and family. Have your mom kind of run. There's no small. That's not small. It will not be small. Have it be big. Hire a caterer to come, and it doesn't have to be fancy, but somebody that will come, provide all the food, cleanup so you don't have to do anything. Um, you could go to Costco or wherever and just buy a shit ton of, you know, beers and wine and keep that simple. Have or none or whatever, but you know, to for people. Or you can have like a little bartender there to help, you know, do that. Um, spend a couple thousand dollars doing it all and have your mom and your sister and me come out and decorate. And I mean, it doesn't have to be fancy unless you kind of want a little fancy, but I mean, I do want class.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Yeah, I'd like it to be classy. Uh and but I do like we could have our first dance on the dock on the deck. I also have plans for my sister and I to be performing pieces for ourselves. Um, not necessarily for the people, but we're gonna make them watch because that's how we are. Um uh and spoiler alert, I've been practicing uh intentions by Justin Bieber, because that is the song I decided I would like to sing for him. And Lindsay has already been working on the backup, so I don't even know what that song is. Uh Picture Perfect, you don't need no filter. Something, something drop dead, you're a killer. And it talks about how uh she how well he in my case, uh he's uh he's a boss. He doesn't need any financial support from me because he's his own boss. And he's uh he's a great asset. I love it because it's kind of it's a tongue-in-cheek, if you will. But um I don't know. I it just really clicked for me in one day when it came on. I was like, this will be the song. How else do you express yourself to the the man that you love than Justin Bieber?

SPEAKER_00 21:04

I agree. If I knew any of his works, then I know really very little about him, but for some reason, um all I know is he'll forever be like 13 in my mind. And the yeah, and that kind of hair, and now he's tatted all over. Um he's a dad, which is that's right, they had a kid. Freaking loco yoke.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah, uh but yeah, and and I'm probably not gonna have my tooth in.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

So when I do that, it's just so perfect. Yeah, it'll be good. And you have to work up some good hand gestures to go with some of those lyrics, too. Just that. It's actually good.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Cooking up you take the me, you're an asset. Shower you, but yeah, um, so that's where my I've been thinking about that because my mom, every time I see her, she was like, When are we gonna do this wedding? Yeah, so I just don't. Want it to be like, oh my gosh, you know, like 12 years later, and it's like we just never got around to it. Um, and my mom will forever be like, You deserve it. And I'm like, Nobody deserves anything. We're all floating around. I don't know. I don't know if I um we deserve love, happiness.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Absolutely. I mean and the things that come with all that. Like if you you're married, you call yourself married. I do. Do you like to celebrate that marriage? Have you celebrated it in a way?

SPEAKER_01 22:34

I definitely feel like I have, yeah. Um, but yeah, it's it's it's interesting. Um, because it's never like I don't like I feel like I don't deserve it, but like I mean, when I think of like good things for me, I'm thinking scuba, I'm thinking travel, you know, like that's what I would like. Like, but I mean it would be cool. I I think I I don't know, I think I got too much in my head about it, and things just have been so you could also just book a trip for two, go down to like Turks and Caicos, have somebody down there officiate you two, just saying some vows on the beach, and then go scuba diving and fucking have fun and just be like, We got married, Ma.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

I had a wedding, it was lovely. But then the family really wants to be a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

That's a family, and so I'm I truly imagine that's the same.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Just give me your itinerary and I will share with them and they can be there in the background.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Yeah. Gosh, trying to imagine traveling with getting my family traveled, travel like it and his family? Actually, he because we traveled pretty good going to Florida. That went really well. Um, but yeah, it just had somebody else in charge of it. Yes, I will. This is so funny. I'm so resistant to it. It's like all I want to do is take a nap. What the fuck? Uh and Lindsay, my sister, said to me, She was like, There's no way I would want to plan my wedding at at in this stage in my life. She was like, I get it. And I was like, Okay. You know, it's it's not that I'm a party poopa. I just um I'm happy to be celebrate others. 100%. Many things are not easy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Yeah. I feel like um That's why you're a wedding planner these days. Right? But I don't even want that. Like No, I mean like I'm not offering that as an option because it's yeah, but that's why people do, is because I just want someone to come to me and present me options and I can pick one or say no, come back again, um, and then have show up on the day. Yeah.

unknown 24:52

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

I think I've just been so opposed to like I like the day-to-day life of married life. I don't like the grand, like the pictures and the I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

My friend Colleen, who we've had on the podcast, yeah, she has one picture of her wedding. That's that's what I'm talking about. That tag. Yep. She's like, I have one picture and that's it. And her wedding was beautiful. It was so simple. I think there were maybe 50, 70 people max in there. It was this restaurant type bar situation. I mean, you know, and they decorated it. It was nice, it was classy. Um, and everyone, you know, was dressed really nicely. Um, she greeted everybody when they walked in. You know, she was in her dress, he was there, they were greeting people, and then like an hour later, you know, after people have had like a cocktail or whatever, uh, they kind of just called attention. They went up on stage, gave some vows, and then we had dinner and photo, and it was partying. It was fun. Like it was easy.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

See, that's exactly yeah. Yeah. Well, easy. I like that idea of people arriving. We were just like, hey, get in.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

She's like, show up around like five, and then, you know, around like six, they were like, All right, we're gonna do vows. And it was like, I don't know, 15 minutes, and then that was it. And then we had dinner, and yeah. So this is quite thought-provoking.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

Um, Mike, my ex from uh, you know, I'd been with him for about eight years. He also struggled with addiction, and he initially got sober because he found Jesus and and got sober that way. And where'd he find him? He found him in Arkansas. That's where he's been all this time. Oh my god. Arkansas, it's hot as balls out there. Sheesh. But um, he knows that I'm married. And then every now and again he'll reach out to me and be like, Are you still married? And I'm like, I just ignore the question at this point. But he's like, I really wanted to share something with you. What this is pretty exciting because I he was in what turned out to be a cult, and so he did get out of it, and there was some disillusionment. There was all sorts of he had to kind of um reprogram his brain because he'd been so like conditioned in the these this with this cult. Um, so then every now and again I'll hear from him and he's on drugs again. Anyway, I don't need to go into those, but he so I don't know where he's at in like so sobriety or what. Do you know where he's at in the world? Is he still in Arkansas? Arkansas, yeah. Okay, and his folks moved to Arkansas to be with him. They moved out of San Francisco and they had a beautiful house on the bay. Like, I was to Arkansas, Wookiee Dookie. Like, um, but yeah, so they're out there and I love his parents. Um, I've always been close with his mom. She's just lovely. So he reaches out and he to tell me. It's hilarious. He's so he texted me and he's like, Hey, you still married? Uh, you know, I want to let you know I've I'm gonna I'm about to go on this journey to to deal with this cut or to take this new uh uh therap therapy that helps you get off drugs because he's on Suboxan again. So I was like, okay, and he said, Um, I'm doing the M-E O five M E O D M T. And I was like, so he was like, Do you know what that is? And I was like, no. So I Googled it. Um, okay. So, and also he's going to Mexico to do this, which of course, of course you're going to Mexico to do this. Um, it is uh the venom from a what's called a Colorado toad or the Sonora Desert Toad, and it's secretive venom. Yeah, okay, you've heard of it. And it's a powerful psychedelic, it's illegal in the US as a Schedule I substance, but this compound is currently being studied and clinically developed as a breakthrough therapeutic for treatment-resistant depression, anxiety, and addiction. So yeah, he is going to Mexico to lick toads. Uh, I know that's not the case, but he says that it when it's done in a therapeutic environment, um, but it just sounds like another, like, you know, micro doshing mushrooms or um ayahuasca or uh, you know, like all that like Balihu.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

I was having a conversation with uh a coworker of mine uh about this a little over a month or so ago. Um, she was doing some microdosing, this and that, and she's like, and I hear about this toad venom. And apparently she's spoken with one or two people who did it maybe like a year or so ago, cured, like overnight anxiety, depression, just gone. Like it completely reset their system. Um so you know, of course they're still doing tests and trials. But if hey, if you can do it, you really do it, you've got the means to do it, like and if it works, like if it works, I mean, who knows? I'm sure, you know, it's doing some good, otherwise they wouldn't be studying it like they are. Right, right. They have seen improvement, but I I'd say, you know, well done, Mike. And he's got the means or his folks have the means to do it. So I think he does now.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

He's been working for a nuclear plant where he goes to um where does he go? He goes to another state to work at a nuclear plant. Um he's not a scientist. I would trust an addict to go work at a nuclear plant either. But I know that he saved a lot of money, which is incredible because that was, you know, not something he was able to do earlier on. I mean, I I'm I so I told him I was like, please keep me posted. I would love to hear how this goes. I'm curious about that. Do keep me posted. Right. Well, there was something else he was trying. Uh, there's always some new up-and-coming, like something that's not, you know, recovery AA or you know, going to meetings, because everybody is very turned off at the idea of having to go to meetings, and I understand why you would be, but I'm telling you, that is the only way that I have remained in recovery.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Courtney, I believe you 100%. I I think everybody's looking for a quick fix these days because our lives are so chaotic and frantic that we want something to work now because it's difficult to put in the effort and the time and to actually sit with our feelings and it's awful, yeah. Keep them in a group, that is the hardest thing. So we are always just looking for the easiest way to get out of any situation. I'm guilty of it all the time. It's just like what's the guilt of it, yeah. But uh honestly, it's those support groups, what you've been doing day after day after day for years, and having to sit with your pain. And you said something, and I say it to myself all the time, it's on the tip of my tongue now. But just like when you want that drink, you have to like sit with that pain and suffering and feel it. You have to feel that pain, you have to feel that discomfort, and it will pass and it does. It always passes. It passes. It really does. Yeah. And it usually, I notice that a lot for me now. It's like when I feel that pain and discomfort for whatever reason it is, and I'm like, oh, I want to numb out on like just leaving the situation that I'm in, either numbing out, you know, with a drink or going for a walk or you know, doing something to extract myself from whatever's causing that pain. It's like, no, you need to sit and like feel it. And it usually goes pro and it usually goes away within like 10 or 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Yeah, it's true. And like nothing lasts forever. Not a feeling, yeah. Not, you know, it it all, it's constantly changing. And um, that actually I didn't even think to mention this, but I had a very good week because so I have now relocated almost full time to Roanoke, and that is 45 minutes away from Blacksburg, um, where uh I still have an apartment, which I will be getting rid of sooner than later, just because now that I have anyway. So I my recovery support system has been in Blacksburg, and I have been a part of a woman's group uh for my entire sobriety. Um, and we've seen each other through a lot. I mean, anything difficult you go through in life, I've gone to this meeting and shared about it, and I've heard other women share their experience, strength, and hope with like going through all sorts of things, losing, losing jobs, losing, you know, going through divorce, losing your parents, losing a child, like losing your pets. I mean, everything. So that was like the strength I had. I still go once a week or so, um, but I I can't always get to it. And so I've been trying to get my butt in gear and go to meetings near me. There's right down the road, there's this clubhouse, and I've gone to a couple of meetings. I really uh prefer meetings with just women. Um, I understand like there's a lot of hoopla about like, well, did you get drunk with men? You can get sober with them. And I'm like, yeah, it's easy to say that if you're a dude. Like I I there are just things I don't feel safe sharing around men, like in a men's room, especially if it's relationship involved, because then men, I I I don't know, unfortunately, and women are this there are women out there that are also predatory when they go into recovery meetings um because they're looking for uh a way to numb out sex. A lot of times people go to meetings to meet somebody to have, you know, so anything, anywhere you go, that's kind of like so. Anyhow, I just feel safer at women's meetings. So I suddenly stumbled upon, because I have a meeting list um in my phone, a women's meeting here on Mondays. It's right down the road. And I went into this room and it was like I could breathe. It was just so nice that that and it was a bigger group, I mean, bigger for a women's group, but um, I just sat there in heaven and it just really got me excited about like, you know, I definitely feel like I've lost um my spiritual connection. It I just haven't been working it the way I normally had through my recovery. So, you know, and it's easy to lose sight of things when there's a lot of moving parts in your life suddenly. You know, I used to just hang out with my dog all day and be like, what do I want to think about today? And then now it's like I forget if I even like changed my underwear sometimes. I I have a trick for that. Don't wear any. That's right. That's a good idea. I should definitely do that. Um, but uh anyhow, it was just really cool to meet, you know, just to be in a group of women who I don't know. I don't know their stories, they don't know my stories, and I'm grateful for that because right now I could just be this like really chill, um, awesome gal who's like totally chill. And like, but you're not. I know so that's gonna come. But just for right now, it's nice because then no one's like, How's your tooth? You know, oh my god, how's this? How's that? You know, and I it's almost that's what the anonymity part feels really good to me. I like to feel anonymous, I like to be um so if there's something I want to talk about, I can talk about it, but I don't know. I don't know what that is. I'm sure there's a word for it, but um, and of course I'll be forthcoming with you know who I am and what my story is and and all of that. But um, it's just nice to be like to listen. Yeah, it's just nice to listen because it's it's so I learned so much when I listen to someone else share their, you know, their str their problems, their issues, their their worries, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Well, that's the whole point of this podcast, right? Is to is to listen to other people's stories because you don't feel so alone. There's always something relatable there, or just uh some words of wisdom, advice. Yeah. The walk away with something. And I think that's the power here is that we have these incredible people on that are sharing stories and right, yeah. It's so powerful, like to and they're not celebrities, like you know, they're it's kind of the rest of us sharing our stories because life is not glossy and beautiful. Nope. It's fucking nasty. But it's I mean, when I say glossy and beautiful, you know, it hasn't been photoshopped. It is beautiful in its own way. Absolutely. And like, you know, this dirty, natural, beautiful, yeah, existence. The real stuff. Yeah, the real stuff.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Yeah. Like my my uh husband had said, he was like um when I was trying to acclimate to moving into a house that already had him and three of his kids. Was it three? Oh, four. Four of the kids were here. So that was almost everybody, yeah. And it was hard. Like we get on each other's nerves, we um get in each other's way. And and I remember saying to him, like, you know, I just want to, I would like to just be a positive, helpful, like, presence here. And, you know, I feel like I'm getting grumpy and and you know, I need the bathroom there in the bathroom, like all that stuff. And he goes, No, that's the good stuff. That's the stuff that that's what gets you close, is like, you know, being Krabby and being, and I at first I was like, ugh, and then I was like, Yeah, I get it. Okay, that makes sense. Oh. Even though I think wise he is this, he's he's he is he's he's a good dude. I like him. I'm I'm thinking about dating him. Like thinking about it. Have you thought about marriage, maybe? I don't even know. Whatever. Uh we do this thing though, and it's my favorite. Well, we're at a restaurant, and if he gets up to go to the bathroom, we're always like, it's nice meeting you. I was like, oh my god, yeah, do you want my number? And he's like, No, no, no, we're good, we're good. But you know, can you take care of dinner? And I'm like, oh my god, yeah, of course. And I hope that someone's listening because it just cracks my shit up. Or after we have have sex and I'm going to the bathroom and I'm like, um, I think my Uber's here. So I mean, it was so nice meeting you. Like, and he's like, No, no, no, yeah, it's great. See you around. I'll see you down in the kitchen. Yeah, right. That game never gets old to me. There's certain games that just never get old. Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's real cute that you guys do that.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Yeah, he cracked me up. Yeah. Um, well, that yeah, I mean, you got anything else to share today? I know this episode, like, we didn't really have a plan, but that's not always the plan to have a plan. That is that, yeah. That's the that's almost the best plan. Yeah. Um, how's how's jumpy? Jumpy, um, I haven't seen in probably two days. He usually comes by around 10 o'clock, so maybe in another hour. Oh my god, that's incredible. There's a time clock on that pop. I know I'm always like squirrel. Yeah, there's jumpy, and there's another one that kind of follows him around because he knows, oh, it's I if I follow Jumpy, then I'm gonna get nuts too. So yeah. Leave me to the nuts, jumpy.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

They're smart little creatures, these squirrels. They sure are. Yeah. Just like Poppy, she's wicked smart. Like she's oh, speaking of which, I haven't heard a peep from her. That's cool. Or also danger. Yeah, it could be one or the other. But um, she is fetching, she sits, she's really good at sitting, which is great, like sitting and staying, instead of just being like, okay, I put my butt down, you know. So I'm still working, still working with her. She's she's an adventure, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Oh that's a new puppy. That's a new anything, is you know, you guys are figuring out each other's kinks. And I mean, yeah, it's puppy. You're gonna have that for at least a year. Yeah. Two years, I'd say. I mean, my god. You'd think. I mean, she's as soon as those teeth fall out, then it's not as dangerous. Yeah. God, she's got the most Reese sharp teeth.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

That's insane. Puppy teeth are the worst. Fucking shit. I do not remember Rooster being any level of this. Well, I almost wanted to ask Mike. I'm like, do you remember what she I remember there was a brief, like a week where she was biting a lot, and we were like, what are we gonna do? And then it stopped. And it was fine. Maybe you just bite back. I mean, I would, but I'll probably lose another tooth. Bless her little heart.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

But yeah, you still know where to find it in her collar.

unknown 41:47

Gosh.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Um, and she doesn't wear a collar. My dogs are naked. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

I meant, I guess her scruff is what I was I meant to say. Like if you bite her, yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

I bought her hard enough.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

And then my worry is if it ever drops when she's around and she gets a hole, she'll eat it. You'll just have to sift through her poop. I will not, I will do no such thing. I will walk into the woods and never return.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

Just so they're gonna find your skeleton and missing one tooth still. Yeah, they'll be like, Well, does anyone know this woman? She's Well, my friend, it was good seeing your face today. It was good to see yours. It's nice to have this little therapy sesh. I know, it is good. Um, and we have a couple guests coming on in the next few weeks that I'm excited to have. Well, everyone, thanks for listening and uh putting up with us today. You can always reach out. If you have any stories you want to share, we'll read those anonymously. Email us at that wasn't pod at gmail.com. Or you can visit our Yeah, talk to us. You can go to our website at thatwasn't the plan.com. You can find us on social media. All of our videos are on Spotify and YouTube. You can listen and watch us anywhere. Um, so until next week, thank you, everyone. Thank you, Courtney. Thank you, Emily. And um, we'll see you then. Bye. Bye, Konke Fatjoy. Konke Fatjoy. Thanks for listening to That Wasn't the Plan. If you found it helpful or at least mildly entertaining, a quick grading review and a click on the subscribe button would be lovely. And it genuinely helps us. And if a friend comes to mind, please share. Until next time. Bye.