SPEAKER_01 0:04

That wasn't the plan.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Well, hi, Emily White. Well, hey, Courtney Holland. How are you doing? I'm good. Welcome to That Wasn't the Plan, Emily.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Well, thank you, Courtney. Welcome to That Wasn't the Plan to all of our listeners out there and this brave world we're living in these days. Very brave. Very brave. Very brave for getting up and putting clothes on today. Yeah, it takes a lot of courage to get out of bed these days.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

It really does. We're so brave.

unknown 0:36

I know.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Yeah. I I feel you there. And I'm I'm trying to finish this stupid, dumb, dumb book that I what are you reading? I'm reading. It's called Uh One Second Later. And it's, I don't want to say it's a dumb dumb book, but what's really interesting is it's it was written before the pandemic, and it's about um an electric pulse that like zaps all of our electronics. So no no electronic car, like the cars and that that work on computers gone. So the only things that work are like older trucks and stuff like that. The main character is a bit of a misogynist. Um so the world has essentially ended. And he meets a woman, she's a nurse, she was on the freeway. So they they call the freeway folks repu re refugees. Anyway, long story short, he uh he she gets in the car or something and he says something along the lines of you know, in that awkward moment where I have to check her out, otherwise she'll be offended that I didn't check her out. And I'm like, Ew. What the fuck? Like, I have never been offended that a man didn't look me up and down. Like, oh my god. Right? Did a man did a man write this book? Of course. And then in the man, he has two daughters in the book, and his wife had died, and he is it's it's it's really it's peppered throughout the book where moments where he cries about his daughters, briefly, and it's not poetic, but it's an interesting read and it's a fast read. Um, and I was at Barnes and Noble, and I just I just like to go and look and see what book calls to me. And sometimes the wrong books call to me, but I still I force myself to finish them. You have to, I just have to finish them. So I'm I'm the same way.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I finish 98% of the books. Yeah, even if I'm not like even if I'm not into it. And then there's other books I'm like, I just can't right now. Yeah, I don't even know where you're going. Yeah, I just um I listen to a lot of books because I go for a lot of walks, and then when I'm cleaning the house and doing working in the yard, I listen to a lot of books. And I was listening to this one recently, uh, Dean Koontz, whom I absolutely love. And he's just like, that's his prose is so just incredible. He's such an incredible writer, but his style of writing that thriller suspense, this one I was walking and I thought for a moment, there were several moments throughout my walk. I was like, I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. Oh my god, like it was just on the edge of my seat the entire time. And the book is called Intensity for a reason.

unknown 3:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

So I think he wrote it back in like the late 90s because there's really no cell phones or any of that. Um, I like it. But holy shit. Anybody out there listening, I would highly recommend listening to this because the narrator, too, she did a phenomenal job. I mean, I've got goosebumps and I don't know anything about I'm like, ooh, I'm so skilled. It's so fucking good. It's and the characters are brilliant. It's just shout out to Dean Koontz. He's one of my all-time favorite writers. In addition to like Stephen King and a few others.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Anyway, uh, yay to books. Yeah, I don't know what we would do without them. I'm really coming into my own about my book reading this state of my life because going to bed, I don't like to be on my phone, even though I'm on my phone a lot. So reading has just, I will say, the book that got me into reading again. And I I Emily, I if I can ask you to do one thing, it's to go get this book. I should I actually I'll just I'll I'm gonna send it to you. It's called All Fours. Have you heard of it? Do you know Miranda July? Does she ring a bell? I don't even want to tell you anything about this book. Okay, don't just send it to me. Okay. And if if I could reread it again for the first time, I would. It it is a journey. It is fun. It's fun. Okay. And I have to just say one thing. It's it was more erotic than I was ready for, but um yeah. But it's a journey. I like some brain candy. Yeah, and and I remember when I was reading it and Jonathan was, I was like sucked in. And and it's not like a thriller, it's not like it's not, but it's just I anyway. I'm not gonna say anymore.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Okay, but yeah, don't force Miranda July. It's um I love that we started out with books because today we are going to share some wisdom that you and I have both learned over the years. Yep. Things that have come across our path and that work for us. And maybe they'll work for anybody else. But I I have five pages that I wrote down the other day. And one of them was brain candy books.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

They're great for the head and the body. For me, I love like science fantasy, raunchy romance, romantic, and like suspense thrillers too. But um, but yeah, it was just something that I was like wisdom to impart on others, brain candy books. You need those books that are just for you. Yeah, I've got this one called Highlander Ever After. Wait, is that based on the show? No, not it's not like it is one of those grocery store romance books that like the cover of this book, I should have gotten it out. Um, it's just this shirt red guy and hair in the shirtless in a kilt. Holding this weight tiny woman. Help me. And he's like in love with this witch person from like an Eastern European country. And he the way he takes her.

unknown 6:06

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Right?

unknown 6:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

Uh-huh. But I was like, yep, that's one of my brain candy books that I will reread. Yes. Yes. Over and over.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

There's a book called In the Woods. And I can't remember the author right this second, of course, but I've I've reread that book. That's the only book I've reread. But I feel like I just read that book. In the woods, and she does um a lot. It's all I I think it's Ireland. A lot of it takes place in Ireland. With wolves? No. Okay, I'm thinking you're like, with vampires?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

I'm like, no, no, no, no. She's like protecting wolves. Oh no, in the woods. It's that one about the three kids that go missing. Yes. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

All I find are their shoes filled with blood. Yeah. So spooky. Yeah. So a good one. And I like, yeah. I I and then if I'm reading my book, I get like street cred from the kids. And so um I would come out and they're like, what are you reading? And and I just could feel that they were like, wow, she reads books. And I'm like, I mean, it's like fourth grade level reading, but whatever.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

I'm reading. So I took a number of writing classes and editing classes, and they always say you should never write above a tenth grade level of reading.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

It just, you need people to be able to engage and read. And the simpler the language, like, don't get crazy with your word choice. It has to be beautiful prose. Of course. But you know, don't be throwing these words in where people have to grab a dictionary. Yeah. It's that simple. Excellent. Just be clever with your verbs and clever with your verbs.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

And don't use very happy, say, energetic. You know, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah. Right. All right. Well, my first uh tip, I like that you you hit with uh books. I my professor in college told me this. I was a musical theater major, has nothing to do with any of that, but I had horrible stomach aches. And the kind of stomach aches that feel like a panic attack and you're sweating and you don't want anyone to talk, you can't look at anybody. Like I like IBS kind of thing. And I remember my worst fear was being on stage and having a stomachache. And I can't remember how her and I engage in it. She goes with her voice, she was so lovely. Her name is Mary Donahue, and she has since passed away. But she was like, Courtney, remember when you have a stomachache, take deep breaths. Fill your belly with air. That will prevent it from getting any worse. And it will help to move it along so that it won't, the cramping will finish. And I tell you, every time I have a stomachache, I use, I hear her voice. That's 30 years.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Isn't that great? Take deep breaths. And it doesn't have to be like painful breaths, just like take a deep belly breath. Because what's happening is it's not able to move because it doesn't have enough air. Which I know this probably is common sense for other people, but like so my stomach aches they seemed worse when I was younger because I'd cramp and pull like squeak, like help, help, help. You know, but when you let go and take breaths, like keeps it from being from lasting that long. I still get bad stomach aches, but I'm like it never feels like the end of the world, never feels quite as bad. So oh, that's such great advice. Deep breaths. Oh deep breaths when you got a stomachache. Yeah. What else you got?

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Um, oh, I have so many. So, you know, I've got some practical ones, but I felt that some of this stuff that I had learned through therapy may be a little bit more meaningful. In addition to drink lots of water, wear sunscreen, and wear hats always when you're outside. Yes, indeed. Um if you're yeah, if you're feeling lonely, put music on or a trusted movie in the background. Amen. Just something that you won't feel so lonely. So, like for me, I s Bridget Jones's diary. I know that movie in and out. It's easy. I can walk out of the room, come back, you know, something and it's it makes me makes me feel a little less lonely. Tits pervert, tits pivot. Tits pivot.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. I'd heard at a meeting, of course. I tried to steer away from too many AA sayings because there's just so many wonderful ones. But this this kind of really made me stop and think. It said, the thing you think about the most in a day becomes your higher power. It becomes your God. Like, so it kind of reminded me to not think about all the shit, like the crap and the garbage and the junk and the hating. Like, like, I mean, for a long time, my dog was my higher power. I thought about her all day long. What's what's rooster doing? What's she thinking about? So um, I don't know, that just, you know, however you want to take that, but like, you know, whatever you think about throughout your day tends to become your world. And so be careful about what you're thinking about.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

It's true. Um, that kind of brings me into some. I think I've heard this from two people, and one of them may have been a physical therapist. Nice. They had said, if you have like an ailment, for me, I had bad knees. What you need to do, talk to that body part every day. I love that. Rub your hands, make it feel loved. Like, thank you for, you know, getting me through the day. I know that you're, I know that you're hurting right now. I'm gonna take care of you. Maybe I'll ice you later, but I just want to know that I appreciate you. And I swear to God, that shit works. That is so like whatever body part that's hurting, put your hands on it and let it know that you actually are very grateful for that in your life. I love to hear you.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

I know. I'm I gotta cancel all my plans today. I got so many things. I gotta talk to my bunions, I gotta talk to my one boob that looks at the floor. I need to talk to my vagina. She'd actually, no, we're not talking to her. She doesn't want to be talked to right now. But that is really that is profound. I like that a lot. She has pulled down her curtains and, like, not today. And I get it. Okay, that's great. So, this this was one that I've taught myself because I've seen the positive the results over years, you know, being in my mid-40s. Um, my whole life, I've had a really weird issue with dry skin. Like if my hands get dry or if my feet, if any part of my body is dry, I honestly feel like if I'm not careful, it could lead me to relapse. It could lead me, I mean, it makes me feel insane. It really is crazy. Like dry feet. Jonathan has the driest feet I've ever seen in my life, and I cannot touch them. It's like beef jerky. Yeah. It catches it catches on everything. So um, my whole life, when I get out of the shower after I dry off, I immediately cover my body in lotion. Total head to toe. Like every inch of my body is covered in lotion. It's like I've had a lot of sun, so my face is not the greatest, but my body, it looks very like youthful. Anyway, I I really can't stress enough to people to lotion your body. But some people don't like the feeling of it, and I love it. I mean, I'm Emily. I think maybe something traumatic happened to me when I had dry feet because when we go out on the boat, I can't, I have to bring socks and make them wet and put them on my feet. Because I can't have my feet can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. It's this ang, I feel it in my chest.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Oh, wet socks, really? That is you like that sensation.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

I love that. Oh yeah. But dry feet. All right, or like dried anything, paint on my hands, or like I eat. This is another one. Cha I use chopsticks to eat popcorn. I did not invent it. I saw some girl in a movie eating uh Fritos with or Cheetos with chopsticks. It's fun, it slows you down eating wise. It's a game. I highly recommend Jonathan. Also, I like that. Yeah, I love popcorn. I'm gonna start using chopsticks because handfuls and yeah. See, I don't like things on my hands. So that's why I never ate barbecue because I didn't like things on my hands.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Oh, okay, okay. That makes sense. Yeah. I like napkins, wet wipes. Yeah, but yeah, I don't mind eating with my hands. All right, okay. So here's one that, you know, I've learned over the years. Instead of asking, why is this happening to me? Try asking, what can I learn from this? It's impossible to regret something that has ultimately benefited you. So it's true. Um, yeah. Um, and another one like those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I love um, and you know, if there was a way we could convince 20-year-olds like to not give a shit what anyone thinks. And some of them probably can do it. I could not do it in my 20s, like, but like I still have a hard time these days. Really?

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Yeah, I mean, I do. I didn't mean that a judgy way. No, I wish I didn't, but oh my god, you're almost you're a middle-aged woman and you still care what people think. You're almost actually. But not about everything. It's certain things that I'm like, I need to tidy up this or you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Well, and I certainly um have ended up caring more about what teenagers think of me than I ever thought was gonna be in my life. But now that's interesting because you live with teenagers. Yeah, and like everything's uncool. And I'm like, I'm fucking cool. Like, and they don't know it.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

But when hey Courtney, when we were teenagers and you met a 45-year-old person, did you think they were cool?

SPEAKER_00 15:57

I didn't think of them ever again. Like I never thought more than once, which I also kind of just that's my failsafe is I kind of just figure, like, I'm not registering, which is good because I like what I do. I got like my shit, I like my whatever. But um I I have heard it's like uh what other people think of me is none of my business. That's on them. No, that's on them.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

It's not my business. There I can't do anything to change your mind. That's what you're gonna think, and yeah, go for it. Literally, you have no part in that. No part at all. None at all. Um and once you realize not everybody's gonna like you, that person doesn't like thee, and they don't have to because I don't like every person. In fact, I don't like most people.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, it's very true.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Drive me crazy most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

I have to ring my my phenomenal niece's bell. She is uh 16. She is incredibly wise for a 16-year-old. And from an early, early age, she was saying, I'm not for everybody. I'm like, the the the the years, the torment that I would have that would have served me had I been able to actually process that statement. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I know my parents probably said shit like that to me, and I'd be like, uh, but like she gets it. Like she feel understands it. And she's like, I'm just I'm not for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

And I just I couldn't I'm not for everybody. That's maybe that's a mantra I need to like write on my mirror in the morning and just say, I'm not for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I'm not for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

That's true. God, where's she? She's that's the other thing. Like listening to children, they're so wise because they don't think the same way we do. They just, you know, something will come to them and they'll say it out loud, and you're like, oh my God, you're absolutely right. Yeah, because it's seeing life through these fresh eyes instead of years of just depression and torment and shit that we've gone through that kind of closes us down a little bit more as adults. Yeah. Um when you see things over and over again. No, it's true. So another thing I had listen instead, because looks can be deceiving. So listen, listen. You know, children listen. People, adults especially, but I think it's everybody these days, because we love hearing our own voices and we love, you know, talking about ourselves. What we do is we listen to respond instead of listening to understand.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

So true.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

So listen to understand instead of listening to respond. That's a tough one. That's it's it's hard. It's hard for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

I got I mean, okay, this is ridiculous, but um it wasn't until I got into recovery and all these things that I had heard my whole life suddenly made an impact on me. And one of the main ones was never give up. Just don't fucking give up. Yep. I'm sorry, like for some reason I I remember thinking, holy shit, just don't fucking give up. So that yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Okay, it's the same. So there's other one. If you actually want something, make an effort. Everything isn't just gonna come to you. It's the same as never give up. If you want something, make a fucking effort. It's not just gonna come to you unless you actually make the effort to make it happen. And what you like put one foot in front of the other, uh-huh, it's slow, like if you keep continue on with it, it's gonna become something. Yeah. It's incredible.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I mean it just cracks me up. Because there this was sweet when my brother broke his neck, the lovely Matt Holland. Um, when we were working at the syndicate, I don't know if you remember this dude. I can't remember his name. He and this was actually really sweet. And I remember kind of like being an asshole about it. But he gave me these t-shirts that had a picture of a pelican eating a frog, and the frog's hands are around the pelican's neck from in the mouth, and it just said, never give up. And I love that t-shirt, right? Isn't that great? And that was so sweet of him to give to me, to bring to my brother. And I remember we have a picture of us in it, and we're both like, oh, like, but that was, I mean, and it wasn't until you know, recovery where I like fucking started listening for the first time in my life and stopped just talking and uh never give up.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Never give up. Okay, so here's one that always drives me crazy. Okay. Awareness of yourself and others at all times. So when you're driving, when you're walking, when you're sitting, just be aware of your surroundings. If you're walking on a path and there's like, say, two or three of you, and a single person is walking, you know, coming at you from the opposite direction, yeah. Move into a single file so that single person doesn't have to walk off the path to make room for you all. Amen. Um, you're not the only one here. So make space for other people. And I encounter this near daily.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Oh, yeah. Because you're on the path.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

I do a lot of things, I do a lot of things alone, but people never make space. Here in the States, we drive on the right side, so walk on the right side. Yeah. You know, just kind of make common sense, but common sense. Common sense, but be spatially aware. It's also in it's in the same vein of always be present in your situation. Now that's difficult to always kind of just be present wherever you're at. But I Find myself with people and they're on their phone and I'll just be staring at them. Like, I'm here. This is what's happening, but you're not being present. True. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, people don't live just in your devices. Nope. People live with you. And that's the reality. That is reality right there. Like, let's try and be more present and give time to one another instead of just always being on our phones living in this sort of alternate universe, really. Yeah. It's other people's lives that they've curated to be beautiful and be like, oh my God, they've got such a good life. And it's like, you you, it may look good, but you don't know if they're carrying so much weight in that because they're not showing that to you. All we see is this beauty and glam and the good. Right. But there's so much bad.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

There's a ton of bad. Well, and in that, in that breath, uh, a quick a quick trick to get present. Smell something. Smell something, and then touch something and feel it. Those are two that and also stop and listen for a bird. Find a bird. Those are the three things that I'll do when I'm driving. Um, or just in a moment where it's like, and it's hard to smell smells because like you're used to your own space. Smell my vape. But yeah, like touch, smell, feel. Yeah. Like listen. Just for a moment. It doesn't have to be long, but those pauses are healthy. Yeah. Is what I was told.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Yeah. Take five minutes every day and stare out the window. Oh, I love that. Put your phone down, close your computer, take five minutes and just stare and kind of be present in that moment and look out the window. Or look wherever you're at if you don't have a window, but you're in a public space or whatever it is. Just try and be present and aware of something else for five minutes and breathe and kind of listen to your brain and your body. Because we are human beings. We're not human doings. So stop doing for five minutes. Wow. Look at the big brains on Emily.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

That's because of the glasses. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

You know, if I if I take them off, it's kind of like a Superman Clark Kent thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Yeah. Except I don't have any superpowers. Speaking of which, I have I have a pair of glasses that I feel like they're too small for my face. I have two pairs of um those are cute. I mean, I like those. I cannot, they only help me see distance. So then I have to swap out with my bifocals. So at one point I was wearing both, and I'm like, oh geez, this is here I am. Here I am. Uh officially, I you just got that letter in the mail that I'm like, now you have to wear two sets of glasses. You wear two sets of glasses. So then I just stopped wearing either of them because I was like, I'm so tired. And honestly, I can't keep track. I'm so bad at keeping track of certain shit. I'm really good with my wallet, my car keys, my phone, my AirPods. But like, add anything else into that? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

I went out and spent like $20 on Amazon for cheap reader glasses, and I've got a pair in every single room in the house. Smarp. So they're like even in the bathroom, that everything's there.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Um random note and thought. Uh, so yesterday I went with my beautiful, lovely stepdaughter. She's really, she's very proactive and very like interested and like just always doing new stuff. She's just she's such a neat gal. And she uh wanted to drive the Jeep. She'd never driven it. And so I went with her and she she did a great job. But at the end, when she went to take the key out, she didn't know how. They don't know how to use keys. Isn't that crazy? What? Because everything has been push start cars. Oh, I guess so. Right? So I had to show her how to take a key out of an ignition. You know how you kind of push it in and take it out. We just do it automatically because we've had, but I thought that was so funny. I was like, holy shit, people don't know how to use keys.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Yeah. I wonder if they'd know how to use like an old rotary phone or anything. Oh, I think I could figure it out for sure. Because I think that's more talked about. But that is fascinating. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. I mean, I can understand not being able to drive a stick shift. Oh, for sure, of course. But taking a key out of an ignition. We're just used to it.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Oh, why would they know? You know? Why would you know? Right. Yeah. I love that. So I taught her how to take a key out of an ignition.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Okay. So gosh, I have so many, Courtney. I could just rattle them all off. Um, self-care isn't glamorous. It's the everyday work you do for yourself to make you a little bit happier and healthier.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

That's great. That is true. Um, mine is you can hard boil eggs in an air fryer.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

What?

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

How do you do it?

SPEAKER_00 27:00

270. Put them in there. 270 for 17 minutes. No water. No water. I know. I didn't believe it. I did it. Then you put them immediately into an ice bath. That's important. And um, I always like, I don't have time for that, but it makes a difference. It makes them easier to peel for sure. And um, yeah, air fry, air fryers. This has been my air fryer error because I've never had one.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

I never wanted I don't have one. My oven has an air fryer option on it. And so I do like, I do I roast garbanzo beans, but I do them on the air fryer option. And I do tofu that way too. Yeah. See, and so you've got eggs. Yeah, but I don't know if it's this oven, it's not quite the same.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Yeah. I but like I'm telling you, like, I was just like, it was so, and I was I get made fun of the kids because I literally make everything in the air fryer. Chicken breasts, brilliant, so good, so easy. Um, steak. I mean, I I've literally tried to cook everything in the air fryer, but yeah, hard-boiled eggs, right? Oh my god, that's genius because I love hard-boiled eggs, but it's too pain. It's a fucking pain in the ass. Yeah, not anymore. Not if you get yourself a little, but like I never wanted an air fryer or a microwave for that matter, because I didn't have the counter space. And now I came into a home that had all this shit already. And so I've just been learning how to do shit.

unknown 28:31

It's cool.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Learning how to use modern appliances.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Air fryers, man, they they got stuff. They do stuff that's like throw a couple. Oh my god, my favorite, throw some baby carrots in the air fryer, put a little bit of um garlic on them, shake them about, do it for like roast them for like 15, 10 minutes. Freaking delicious snack. Delicious. I don't like cooked carrots. So all right. Well then you can go to hell. But I'll do that with uh cauliflower when I buy an air fryer. Any any vegetable, and it's quick and it's easy, and yeah. So I'm a huge air fryer.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Um, all right, here's a couple more. Yeah. Calm is a superpower. Amen. Yeah. And don't worry if people don't like you. Most people are struggling to like themselves.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

I mean, it's po it's powerful to think the meaner someone is outwardly, um, the meaner they are to themselves. Like if someone's a total asshole, it's because they're an asshole to themselves.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

And the best revenge is no revenge. Move on, be happy. Let that shit go as much as you can. That's good. You know, because that at that point you're giving that other person your energy.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yeah. Don't put energy. You don't need to. Keep your energy to yourself. Absolutely. Um I have so I was trying to figure out what made my face look old. Um, comparing my picture, like my younger self, because I can see. I'll tell you, define your brows. And like I've defined my brows, but you don't have to like remember when we went real hard. And like, but like the more because I I remember I would look at my my face in a picture and I'd be like, I look dusty. I look like there's like a like a layer of dust on my face. And defining my eyebrows helps me look useful.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

My friend Julie, who's an actress, um, you know, she gets proper facials and whatnot all the time, but she'd she'd always told me this one thing, and I think about it every time I go into like pluck an eyebrow. She's like, your eyebrows are sisters, they're not twins. They're not twins. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Hell yeah, Julie.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Yeah.

unknown 30:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

Snaps.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Snaps. Snaps, Julie.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

So yeah. Oh, here's another good one. Borrow compliments and tuck them away for the next person who needs one.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Oh, that's nice.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

So if someone gives you a compliment and you can remember what that is, tuck it away because then you can share it, put it, share it forward. Share it forward.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Like, guess who gave me a compliment today? They said I had the most beautiful. Yes. I gotta rag on my niece again, speaking of which, because she's she has got, she's she's my idol. But she was in a show recently. She was the lead, and we saw her afterwards, and she she's just classic theater kid. She comes up and we're giving her flowers, and she's like, mmm, and she goes, um, everybody's saying that I'm carrying the show. So we burn her regularly about that. I love that slave. Oh, that's we always start it with like, um, you guys uh they said that I'm like carrying the show. Oh my god, she's like, shut up, they were. But she everybody says I'm carrying the show. She was phenomenal, absolutely. But yeah, that that shit cracks me up. She really is funny. She is not in lacking for confidence, like, and also just like self-worth. Like, she is just phenomenal. I'll tell you what. I got a lot of young, awesome kids around me.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

That's that's I think that's empowering. That could be a superpower, too, is um surrounding yourself with people of all ages. Yeah. Like don't just stick to the people, you know, that are within five-ish years of yourself. But if you have access to younger people, hang out with them, ask them questions, with the older population. Definitely ask them questions. They love that. Especially in the morning. But it is, I find anytime I can talk to my niece and nephew, you know, it's just like my mind is usually blown by the within that conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

She uh she is just uh she is leaps and and and leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at that age. I'm like, God, you're gonna be really rad when you're my age, because I'm rad, but I wasn't as rad as you are at this age, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 33:04

So Yeah. Um life would be tragic if it wasn't funny. Ha Amen.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Ooh. Um yeah. Jonathan had one parting when he was going through his divorce. He said, uh the truth hurts, but lies hurt more. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

Yes. Put that in your pipe and smoke. You'll never lose what is meant to stay. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Um if there isn't a path, create one.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Sit doesn't have to be immediate, but sit with it and be like, how can I make this path happen?

SPEAKER_02 33:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Um, it's always dignified to be kind. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Humanity is greater than status. I don't know how many people need to hear that these days, but man, that was an eye roll for the ages.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

You were just like, your eye roll, you go, humanity is not for status.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

I could hear it. I'm gonna have to put some byzine in after this. Man, do I eye roll? Like one of my eyes kind of has a permanent, it's not really a twitch, but it tends to like because I'm constantly like eye rolling and being like, Jesus fucking Christ. And this one eye just constantly stays shut because it's in disbelief of like the reality in which I'm living. Yeah, it's like, oh god.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Yeah, I there's something I do now. Um, okay, I'll do it here. Let's see. You see my eyes kind of like cross? Yes. How do they do that? That is where my eyes are most comfortable. So when I'm stopping and kind of thinking, I and my stepdaughter saw me do it. Is like off on its own. Like, I have a lazy eye. And like, I don't, I forget. She caught me doing it when we were at a restaurant, and I think I was thinking about something, and she goes, she looked at me and she was like, What's going on? And I was like, Oh god, did I just do it? I was like, were my eyes crossed? And she was like, Yeah, I was like, I was thinking, oh no, oh yeah, this is how it happens. But like I um uh I talked to the eye doctor about it, and they said, That's okay. You're gonna die soon anyway. Like so that's just that feels comfortable. So my brain can like get some. It's interesting that that feels comfortable. It feels good. It's like, because you remember that that saying that if you keep crossing your eyes, they're gonna stick that way. And you know, I've used my crossing of my eyes for comedy, physical comedy for my whole life, and whether it has served me well or not. And so now I find when I use it, like they take much longer to uncross. Oh I know. I I gotta lube them up. I'm like, oh crap. You're gonna need like to hit yourself in the head to get them.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

But yeah, like uh, I just love listening. All right, so I've got a little story for you. Okay, hit it. And I found this in one of my journals. So when I was in LA once, I was out hiking in Griffith Park and I saw the most amazing thing. There was this man picking up trash on the trail. And when I finally caught up with him on the downslope, I told him how wonderful I thought it was what he was doing. And I thought that's such an admirable act to just be out in the middle of, you know, Griffith Park picking up trash. And he he told me he does this hike, his this trash hike three times a week. He said he mostly picks up tissues as they're the only trash up there. And it made me think that, like, whether it's sickness, sadness, tears, joy, or just go, nature is always the best medicine. And that's why people are up there hiking with tissues to, you know, whatever it is they're going through to kind of like work through something. Excellent. Um, and that's why there's mainly tissues to be found, I thought. And then I thought, well, that's awesome. But at the same time, just please pick up your fucking litter, like pack out your tears, your joy, your sadness, whatever it is, like pack it out.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

And could you imagine just dropping trash on the ground? Like, there's never been, I did okay. There's never been a real point in my life where I've been like out and about and just thrown, except I would toss bottles of alcohol or empties out my car window, and I'm not proud of it. That's classy. Yeah, I know. Uh, and I've been making up for it. Um, my mom is uh someone that always picks up trash, and then I met my guy, and on our third date, we're walking to a restaurant, and he we're walking across the street, and he bent down and picked up a piece of trash, and I was like, fuck, he's got me. My heart just fluttered, right? Like my mom, and he still to this day always picks up trash, and so it's gotten me better about picking up trash when I see it. Like just because then someone else sees it and they're like, you know what? Yeah, why not?

SPEAKER_01 38:16

I always pick up trash on the beach, that's always on the beach. Whenever I'm on any beach worldwide, I will always go and pick up trash. That's nice. Um that's a nice thing to do. Um, it's really good. Here's another one. Yeah, don't say maybe if you want to say no. Amen. And no is a complete sentence.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Sure is. It sure is. Yeah. Yeah. And that's something I think is we it gets easier as you get older. Like I'm pretty good about being like, I don't want to do that. No thanks.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Okay. Real friends tell you the truth, even if it's uncomfortable and it hurts. Cool. Yeah. Let's get more real friends. Let's hurt my feelings. Yeah. This one I is like I have felt so many years, recent years, like burnout is a message, not a failure. Amen. So and stop editing your life to be more likable. That one I am guilty of. I do my darndest, and I uh it's just how I was raised, and I'm working through not being so likable. You gotta knock that shit off. You're way too likable. Uh I try well, that's the problem. I'm not. So then I try, and then it comes out really awkward.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

I think you should just own what you're doing. Own my bitchiness.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

I know it's just because people are like, oh, we kind of like that you're absolutely a sassy direct little bitch. And I'm like, absolutely. I shouldn't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

And then you're not apologetic about it. Like, you're like, yeah, well, so I'm like, go fuck yourself. Yeah. I don't care what you think. Right? Like that's that's power. And you know what? This is something. I saw this on a window of a mattress store, and it said, sleep is power.

unknown 40:08

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

It is so true.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

Yeah, it's so true. And movement is medicine.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

Movement is medicine and sleep is power. Yep. Yeah, big snap. Sleep is motherfucking power. Had I known that in my 20s, like, okay, here's the here's the thing. If you could tell your 20-year-old self something that you your 201 year old self would compute fully, you get to tell them one thing. What is it? Like one thing. And they would understand completely process and be able to use use it, utilize it.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

What was I doing when I was 20?

SPEAKER_00 40:46

What would you tell yourself? I'm struggling right now. Uh um hold on, I'll have to let my eyes cross. Okay. I would say and to really un completely uh understand and process it and really do it is just to be yourself. Oh god, that hiccups now. Um because I think that I was trying always to be something a little bit like myself, but but like if I could have just gone in hard and genuine with the real me, like that is powerful.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

And then I think maybe drinking wouldn't have been such a big part of everything, but whatever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Say love you. I think mine would be along the same vein. Although I wish I could have told myself that at the age of like 13. Oh gosh. To be yourself, like stop trying to get people to like you. I think that would be my message. Stop, stop trying to get people to like you. Yeah. You don't have to be likable. Not everybody's, what did your niece say? I'm not for everyone. I'm not for everyone. I I've never been for everybody. I'm I've been an odd duck my whole life.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

You have.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

But yet I do I put on this these airs that I have to be like approachable and cute and likable. I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

You I was like, you ain't. Not this open. Well, no. And I'm thinking of all the years we've been friends and the ebbs and flows, and the, you know, that was kind of my favorite thing about you was that I could come at you with the most inappropriate, like foul-mouthed everything, and you'd be like, Yep. Like you were and you also look like you are a like you own a yacht, and like you dine with golden goblets, like whatever that yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

You've got that very waspy. I I've I'm yeah, I've got the curse of the wasp look. Um, but that's not who I am on the inside. No. And that's what's so cool about you is that that you are good day, welcome.

SPEAKER_00 42:55

Would you like to have high tea? Concock, mucus, diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

Like that's what I think of when I think of you. Okay, so so kind of back to being yourself. Here's another one I've wrote down. Stop playing it cool. Just be passionate, intense, and insane. Whoever sticks around is meant to be. For sure. Oh, here's one to kind of end on. Well, two. They're kind of in the same thing. Making it worse for others doesn't make it better for you. Be fucking kind to all beings. Absolutely. Yeah. And never stop being a good person because of bad people. And what makes you happy doesn't have to make sense. Nope. And it doesn't have to make dollars either. Sure don't. Well, that's kind of all I've got for today. I have a lot more. No, but my therapist, I I have journals and journals, and I, you know, she was like, You should actually publish some of this. So maybe I will someday if there's a book publisher out there. I've got lots of what

SPEAKER_00 44:00

I consider wisdom to impart on others. Do you know what we should do? Do you have a w one journal nearby right now? Yes? So do I. I'm gonna grab one and you grab one and we're just gonna flip open a page and read a sentence. Oh, okay. My favorite journal is from when I was in high school. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. And I I I addressed my my um I wasn't very religious, but I would my dear Lord is how all of my journal entries went. So let's just open a page here. Let's see what we get. Oh god. Dear Lord, I don't know what to feel or where to place my head. I don't even know what to believe at all. I'm lost. Plain and simple. Things are not what they seem. People put on shows to make themselves feel good. Am I a plastic doll? Question mark, question mark, question mark with replicas. Oh, I know what this is from. My mom bought me uh there was a Courtney doll, a Barbie, Courtney Barbie doll. And she she had the highlights and she loved butterflies. And I was like, that's me. Like, that's fucking everybody at your age, Courtney. Give me a break. Where is my soul tonight? I don't know what's left. I'm scared. It's dark. Help. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Damn, Courtney, for a 13-year-old you wrote that?

SPEAKER_00 45:26

They were all like that. Dear Lord. No, no, I wasn't 13. This, this, I started this journal when I was 13. It was given to me by my dear friend Marla Moffitt. And she even put a little uh because she was very religious. Dear Courtney, I'm giving and this was in 95. Oh, so I was 15. I'm giving you this little journal to use for whatever you wish. And I was like, I will use it to address the Lord with my boy problems.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Yeah. That didn't sound like boy problems. That was like some serious deep soul searching.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

But it was because of boys. Like, okay, you know, like I was like, who am I? Is he looking? You know what I mean? All right.

SPEAKER_01 46:06

So do I have to start with dear lord?

SPEAKER_00 46:08

No. However, you start your journal entries. Or if it's a poem, dear lord. Did you it doesn't say dear lord?

SPEAKER_01 46:17

It sure does. Dear Lord. Yes. I'm mold. Oh, I'm old school. I said mold. I'm mold. The end. I'm like, wow. Why would I write? I'm mold school. I'm old school. I have good manners. I show others respect. And I will always help those who need me. It's not because I'm old fashioned. It's because I was raised properly.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Wow. When did that get written?

unknown 46:46

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

Sometime in the past 15 years. Oh, okay. Yeah. Three days ago.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

So we should maybe that should be a part of we'll just grab a journal and be like flip open a page and read a sentence. It doesn't even have oh, I even have inserts in this. Yeah. I even have tabs. Okay. I like that because you want to highlight the good stuff that you said.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

No, because it's sectioned out. Tab first chapter is attachments, desires, worries, and guilty feelings. Those are things. The second chapter is life, life in mysterious ways. Oh. The third chapter is love, relationships, admiration, and growth.

SPEAKER_00 47:33

Oh, so you had ch Okay. So you gotta write a book. You're you you've been trying to write a book now. Like I've been trying to write a book. So you gotta get get. There's no such thing as try. This will be my final one. There is no such thing as try. You either do or you don't. I learned that in rehab. I learned that from Yoda. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. Is that a Yoda? That's from Star Wars.

unknown 47:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

I'm a loser. No, no, no, no. It's probably I don't think it's any one person ever coined that, but Yoda does say that. He says there's there's no try, there's only due, or something along those lines.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Well, this has been fun. I like this. This is definitely like we can always just tap in and do a, you know, advice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

Little snippets of that. Like, well, because that's part of life's pivots here on That Wasn't the Plan. It's kind of growing. And it's what we learn from life's pivots and the new path after that pivot. Because you're always on a new path. You have to, there's no way of going back to the old self once that whatever it is happened. Absolutely. And what did you learn from that? So yeah, these are just kind of things that we have learned. Um, but I would love to hear what everybody has learned. What your story, your little advice, your nuggets, because um we do we have shorter episodes now. They're called short stories. Courtney had one that's coming out in two weeks, I believe. LA Short Stories. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So we will do episodes uh with readers' advice and their short stories. So please email in to us. You can find us, uh, email us at that wasn't the plan pod at gmail.com. You can also go to our website at that wasn't the plan.com and reach us through that. Um, or on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. You can always contact us.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

That way. We read and we respond to every email. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

So we read it. We read it. So you can tell us what we're doing. Until we've until we're being bombarded with 10,000 emails a day, which is not happening yet, but it will. Just kidding. Um, we we yeah, we'll respond. And it can be completely anonymous too. We we'll never share your name if you don't want us to. Yes, this remains and this is a safe space. It's an anonymous safe space if you if you if you choose for it to be. Um well, on that note, Courtney, have fun with your niece today.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

I will prom and my my sister will be there too. It's so nice. Uh oh, that's a fun day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

Prom.

SPEAKER_00 50:06

I know. I'm so grateful I'm not going to prom.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Fuck that shit.

SPEAKER_00 50:12

Did you go? I did. I went three years. Or not anyway, but it uh overhyped. And I'm also, I know now that I don't like those things. So that's why I never wanted to go. Anyhow. I was arrested on prom night.

SPEAKER_01 50:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

That's a story for another episode. And that wasn't the plan for Emily, so stick around next time. Until then.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 50:37

Uh-huh. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

Seriously, what'd you get arrested for? Thanks for listening to That Wasn't the Plan. If you found it helpful or at least mildly entertaining, a quick grading, review, and a click on the subscribe button would be lovely. And it genuinely helps us. And if a friend comes to mind, please share. Until next time. Bye.