That Wasn't The Plan
That Wasn't The Plan
Human stories for those struggling to be human.
A podcast for anyone whose life took a left turn when you were peacefully asleep.
Life doesn't come with a script—thank god, because ours would've been returned for rewrites.
Warning: May cause unexpected feelings, snort-laughing, and the overwhelming urge to text us your own "that wasn't the plan" story.
Join co-hosts Emily White and Courtney Holland as they navigate the beautiful disasters, plot twists, and "well, that happened" moments that nobody warned you about. From bed bugs, winning the lottery, breaking your neck, and finding a furry lump on the side of the road that turns out to be your best friend.
We're here to talk about the stuff that wasn't in your life plan: Getting sober. Couch-surfing at 35. Teaching Jazzercise in a thong leotard at 5 AM (Courtney looks great, by the way). Death showing up uninvited. Your career ghosting you.
Each episode brings you real stories, terrible advice, excellent commiseration, and the reminder that if your life feels like a dumpster fire, at least you're in good company.
New episodes drop weekly. Follow us wherever you get your podcasts, because we all need witnesses to this beautiful mess.
Remember: Just because it wasn't the plan doesn't mean it wasn't supposed to happen.
That Wasn't The Plan
The Last Virgin
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What happens when you grow up in a deeply religious household where sex is forbidden, masturbation is sinful, and heaven is apparently keeping score?
You wait.
This week we’re joined by our brilliant friend Sarah Beth Schooley Wood—champion swimmer, Antarctica bride, and (for a surprisingly long time) a very committed virgin.
We talk purity culture, religious guilt, awkward first times, late blooming, and the strange realization that maybe… sex isn’t actually a moral emergency.
There are penguins.
There is back hair discourse.
There are some truly questionable decisions involving condoms.
And somewhere in the middle of it all: honesty, laughter, and a reminder that everyone arrives at their own timeline.
That wasn't the plan. Oh, there you are, classy Lady Courtney.
SPEAKER_04Hey, Miss Elegant Emily.
SPEAKER_07It's good to see you, Emily White. Courtney Holland.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_07Yes. And I would like to say welcome to that wasn't the plan. That wasn't the plan, and welcome to you, my dear. Welcome to you on this lovely Sunday morning.
SPEAKER_06Super Bowl! Who gives a shit? Not me.
SPEAKER_07Not me. But here we are recording so that we can go be with the people that do care about the Super Bowl. We have an amazing guest.
SPEAKER_09So stoked.
SPEAKER_07So I would like to introduce my friend. Her name is Sarabeth Schooleywood. And before we bring her on, I just want to give a little background on this amazing lady. She uh graduated 2008 from the University of North Carolina, Wilmington, and double major communications studies in Spanish. She is highly intelligent. Not only that, but she was a champion swimmer on their swim team and a mentor for their swim team called the Seahawks, where she swam the 100 and 200 backstroke plus freestyle and relays. She was part of a historic 2006 CAA championship suite. That was the first time both the UNCW men's and women's teams won titles together in the same season. And then after swimming, she moved out to Los Angeles like we all do. And she worked in film and television as a producer, like we all do. Oh shit. On some, and you may have heard of these shows Ice Road Truckers and the Jesse James Outlaw Garage. And I think she was nominated. Listen to this. I think she was nominated for an Emmy for one of those before she got smart and turned into a paralegal. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06This woman. I know this woman. Truckers to emails.
SPEAKER_07A couple more things. I know. So, and then in 2018, she married this amazing man named Kelsey, and they got married in Antarctica with the penguins.
SPEAKER_05Yo. As officials. I don't, I was not prepared for this. I was not, I'm sweating. Very, I'm intimidated and excited, and so many questions.
SPEAKER_07I know so happy. After she was down Antarctica. After she was down there with the penguins and she saw them swimming around in that beautiful freezing cold water, she came back to Seattle and I was like, hey Sarah Beth, do you want to go swim in Puget Sound with me? And she was like, Absa fucking Lutley. So now she swims year-round in ice cold Puget Sound with yours truly and a bunch of other weird people.
SPEAKER_05Well, and that's how I met her because I got into Puget Sound because you freaks were like, let's do this. And I was like, I know.
SPEAKER_07And then she's also been nominated for having one of the most charming laughs by all of her friends. Really? Um, yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_08So I'm interested to also vote for this laugh.
SPEAKER_07Not only is she just a badass human and she's a really amazing friend. I am really blessed to call her my friend, but she has some pretty cool tattoos too. So without further ado, I would like to introduce Sarah Beth.
SPEAKER_06The one only pens, paralegals, Jesse James, ice truckers.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, feel free to take a minute. I know.
SPEAKER_06I got Tyrion.
SPEAKER_01I was like, I'm gonna like replay this every morning. It's just like my hype. Get up in the morning and be like, yeah, girl, you a bad bitch. Unreal.
SPEAKER_08You a bad bitch.
SPEAKER_05Like, not just a bad bitch, you're like bad bitch. And yeah, the the laugh winning. Totally. Thank you.
SPEAKER_07Isn't it amazing?
SPEAKER_06Oh my god, I hear that laugh and it brightens my day. I get it from my mama.
SPEAKER_05Oh my gosh. And listeners, if you're not looking at her, she's precious and she's the coolest freaking hair. She's got the hair that intimidates me when I meet people and I'm like, oh shit. This girl looks radical. The short hair. Oh my gosh. Sarah Bet. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I feel like you gotta project what you don't always feel inside. So I'm like, I'm gonna have you know, badass hair energy. You really do come comes inside top down. It's just incredible.
SPEAKER_05I like to project like slightly, uh definitely emotionally unstable and also um on the edge of you know, a bender, a sober bender. That's what I'm going for, especially with my bangs, because who even knows? Those that's something. So way to go, Sarah Beth. Bangs are bangs are really hard, and I keep doing it to myself. I can't stop. And then I'm like, they don't look good. I should go shorter. And I'm like, oh Lord help us. It's that is always the answer. Yeah, it's always the answer with bangs. They don't look good. Cut them yourself and do it in the bathroom with some scissors that aren't made to cut hair. So absolutely.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yep, perfect. For more hair tips. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05This is girl, you are too cool. You are too okay. Wait. Just okay, quick question. Were you close enough to a penguin to touch it?
SPEAKER_06Yes.
SPEAKER_05Did you touch one?
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_05It took a lot of self-control.
SPEAKER_02I knew I knew you would say no. Scoop it up and put it in your jacket and be like, Could you just touch it with your lips?
SPEAKER_01Like would that count? Um, it would count. Uh, they are covered in bright pink shit from us sliding around in their own poo-poo. That's right. Stanks.
SPEAKER_05They they do stink. Okay, that's it. That was my second question. I just wonder what the smell was.
SPEAKER_01You can smell it when you're on the boat. You haven't even seen the penguins yet. And you do smell of land is near. I can smell penguin shit. It could smell penguin poo. And the like rocks would just be pink, and that's like really that's just their poo. From like the fish and do they eat krill? That's what they're they're like, krill and like shrimp and things like that. Yeah, it's their diet that makes sense. Yeah, the shrimps. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay. They're like flamingo. That sounds like art to me. Like, I mean, yeah. Pink feces.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. They get up after sliding down the rocks, and their like chest is just bright red. It looks like they've been in battle. Like they're bleeding. I love that.
unknownOh, the battle penguins.
SPEAKER_01So, were you with the penguins when you were married? Uh, yes. So we went to um, yeah, it was me and our officiant who was a marine biologist on the boat, and then a uh photographer who was literally the hottest person I've ever seen in real life. He's like this Australian, like ex-military guy. Oh god, he was gorgeous. Did he know it? Did he know he was gorgeous? No, he was like that. No. That's his name. I know. Yeah, he's married. He's married, but he was so kind. But I just have to praise him for the body. Anyway, so it was like take a moment and appreciate. I still would like to take a look. So what's his name? Yeah, yeah. I'll send you his uh his Instagram. Anyway, so it was us four. They took us on a little zodiac to this little piece of land. Um, the sun was going down, and then there were just like penguins. And a little penguin, we didn't know it at the time, but like just came up beside my husband and just stood beside him throughout the entire ceremony. His best man.
SPEAKER_06And then he just like waddled away after.
unknownOh my god! Oh my god.
SPEAKER_07Courtney, she was also in a a wedding gown doing this full gone.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, full gown. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the coolest thing I've ever done.
SPEAKER_05It's so freaking. I mean, I'm so grateful to hear you say that too, because you know, if you were one of those people who's like, yeah, well, nothing. You know, yeah, that is because that like oh wow, wow.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It's our and it's fitting. It's uh my husband and my wedding anniversary today. So eight years ago today. Yep. Eight years ago today, we were down there doing it.
SPEAKER_03Doing it?
SPEAKER_05Doing it. Oh my gosh. Did you cry the whole time? Were you emotional?
SPEAKER_01Um actually, I didn't know. Yeah. I was like super, it was like happening so fast. Like we didn't know. They were like, we can't promise that you're gonna be able to get married down here. We're gonna tell you, like, if we get a weather window and we have the opportunity, it'll be like kind of go. And so we were sitting down having dinner, and they were like, all right, so we have this thing, we have a spot, we can get you there, let's go. And so it was like, put on the dress and go. And so it was like, it's just so it was just like, go, go, go.
SPEAKER_07Let me ask you this. Were you more excited to just be in Antarctica or to get married?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I okay, so I will say that I was super emotional because we got married the second to last day. We were there for 20 days, and we got married the second to last day before we left. And it was like almost coming down to the wire. And so, like the next day we did one final excursion on land, and I was just like bawling crying. And I think because like all those emotions had just gotten married, and it was like so much, and it's like you're in this place that you know who knows if you'll ever see it again. It's just such a takes so much to get down there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07The night of your wedding back on the boat. Was that the first time you ever had sex?
SPEAKER_02Well, we actually didn't sleep on the boat that night, we slept on land surrounded by seals. I mean, and we were not alone talking about an audience.
SPEAKER_09I cannot handle this.
SPEAKER_02We had we were not, we were definitely not alone. We had like couples were everywhere. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Everybody's rolling.
SPEAKER_06With the sound of the seals, you guys just felt like you could, you know, just go for it.
SPEAKER_02We muffled all the things. No, we slept in our full-on snowsuits. It was super hot.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, sexy snowsuits.
SPEAKER_01Sexy, yeah, yeah. But yes, the next day, it was the first time that I had sex. It was so magical.
SPEAKER_06Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So talk to me about being an a 35-year-old virgin.
SPEAKER_02Can you imagine? My Kelsey would have been like, girl, no.
SPEAKER_05That's a lot of pressure for him. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So no, I did I thankfully did not wait until marriage.
SPEAKER_06Wow. But you were close. You were 26. Is that correct? That is correct. Yes, I was 26. No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_05And Courtney, how old were you? I was 22.
SPEAKER_01Woo-hoo!
SPEAKER_05Late bloomers. Well, and the thing is, the thing is, ladies, uh, I would love to say that I was like, no, I can't. I won't. But I was like, somebody wanna have sex with me. And everyone's like, ugh. I was like, money. And then at 22, some guy was like, all right, I'll fuck you. And then I was like, oh. But truly, no one was no one was barking at my tree to try and take it off. Well, I had black back hair, so that I had a lot of back hair, so I was not taking my clothes off for anybody. I did it, I still do. Something to grab onto, right? Well, and okay, real quick, just a little uh, so I didn't know I had back hair, and then one day my mom was like, Corney, do you want to go get waxed? And I was like, get what waxed? And she was like, you know, I don't know, your eyebrows or the small of your back. And I was like, what's on my back? And she's like, something, never mind, no, no, no, no, no. So cut two. I'm in show choir and we're on a trip in Florida. We're at a water park. I'm in the water in a bikini, and I remember my mom's voice, maybe wax the small of your back. And so I just I just did one of these, like just a peek. And what I saw was a mane of manhair floating behind me. And I went white and I went and put my clothes back on and sat in a lawn chair for the rest of the day. And everyone was like, Are you okay? And I was like, I mean, it was like I've been, it's like finding a tick that's been on you in front of boys in the water. I'd been walking around with that, like just flowing behind me. Like, what happens when it dries off? Is it like oh my god. So I did end up getting it waxed. Good lord.
SPEAKER_06You had a tail.
SPEAKER_05And I had no idea. I had no idea.
SPEAKER_04And my poor mom was just like, maybe you want to go get waxed. I was like, why would I get waxed?
SPEAKER_05I'm perfectly hairy, like dad and Matt. My brother and my dad, my sister and my mom were hairless anyway. So that is also that helped me from I was just way too self-conscious about my body to. And again, no one was trying to see it. So they all caught wind of my back hair from the Florida trip. And men were like, she's got a tail. Like, I mean, I'll just never forget it. Like looking back there and seeing this, like it was in the water. I could see it.
SPEAKER_07It was just floating there behind you.
SPEAKER_05I was like, I mean, it was it was absolutely like just shocking. So I stayed a virgin until 22. Sorry, I didn't mean to derail us because we'll go to here. It's perfect, it's perfectly on topic. I love to bring up my back hair whenever I can.
SPEAKER_06Sarah, but you didn't have a back hair problem, did you?
SPEAKER_01You had no I um had a religious chastity problem.
SPEAKER_06There you go. I knew you had a chastity belt.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Yeah, back hair. Yeah. Um but no, I was raised very, very religious, very conservative house. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_07And uh what uh denomination?
SPEAKER_01Uh we were, well, we went to First Assembly of God, which I kind of relate to like a more like I don't know if Pentecostal is the right word, because that everybody says, Oh, did you like handle snakes? And I'm like, no, we weren't. Did you speak in tongues? Yeah, but people spoke in tongues and like they would raise their hands and like dance on the aisle, and like all my Baptist and Methodist friends were like, What the heck is going on here?
SPEAKER_07See, I think the Baptists are like very theatrical.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_07And the first time I yeah, because I used to go to a Baptist church with my friend on occasion on Sundays, it was like, you can stay at their house, but you have to go to church with them at their church the next day. I'd go to this Baptist church and like they'd have microphones and they're dancing and clapping their hands, and I was like, what the fuck is going on here? I was like, this is kind of amazing because in my church, they're like you guys can go and drink whiskey now. Basically, they're like, don't call us, we'll just see you again next Sunday. In the meantime, here's a bottle of scotch.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Work it out on your own, folks.
SPEAKER_07Yep. Uh-huh. Don't bring it to church. We are Presbyterians coming from Scotland. Scotland.
SPEAKER_01Presbyterian.
SPEAKER_05That's a fun word.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah. So maybe I wasn't as uh, maybe we weren't as cuckoo as I thought we were.
SPEAKER_02I think we're all a little cuckoo. Sarah Batt, this is horseshit.
SPEAKER_07Where are the snakes? Yeah. Espy, like, how was sex framed in your household growing up? Like what messages were explicit and what were, you know, some of the messages that were just kind of like silently absorbed.
SPEAKER_01Um, so it was definitely like don't do like from my parents, like, don't do it until you're married. And then also specifically from my mom, because my mom would be the one to talk to me about stuff, like was like masturbation is like bad. And like you shouldn't masturbate either.
SPEAKER_07Did you know what like masturbation was when she said that to you?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I did. Like, I feel like I might have been like on the earlier side, middle school, like kind of figuring that stuff out, and then not having anybody to like really talk about it with, like just thinking that oh, it's bad, like I'm doing something bad, you have to push that away. You don't talk, you don't say it to anybody. And so that was taught to us. And then in church, I can remember being in like youth group and them being like very explicit, like, sex is gonna be something that you really want to do. They were very forthcoming about that.
SPEAKER_06Um and they were like, because it's so fucking good.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_06And I was like, You don't even know kids.
SPEAKER_02I know. I was like, so, but don't do it. Like you cannot do it.
SPEAKER_01Don't absolutely can't think about it. It is like you have to be godly and resist all of that temptation and save yourself for marriage. And to be fair, I mean, they were talking to the boys and the girls all at the same time about all that stuff. So it wasn't like two different messages there. Um but at home it was maybe two different messages. But at home, it was a little bit, and I didn't realize this until later. Um, I didn't date anybody in high school until I was like like a senior at the end of my senior year. Um, I started dating someone. Um, but my brother and my sister both did, and I'm the oldest, and they're just a couple years younger than me. And when we were in our 20s, I think I was having a conversation with my brother, um, and it was like a totally different experience. Like he had a girlfriend, and it was just kind of like assumed that they were having sex. And so it was like, hey, don't get pregnant. Like, yeah, you're like you have to do this. And that was probably the extent of that conversation as well. Um, I wasn't present for it, so I don't know. But it was just a very different, just a different expectation. And I don't really know what my sister's talk was if she got like something different than me. I think because I didn't date anybody, they were like, Oh, she's good, she's not gonna do she's straight.
SPEAKER_07We don't have to worry about this one.
SPEAKER_01We don't gotta worry about this one.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, she's too busy swimming, she doesn't have time to have sex.
SPEAKER_04So yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_07When everyone's when everyone's preaching to you, like, don't have sex because it's bad. What what was the purity culture promise that was made to you that if you followed the rules, that something magical was gonna happen once you did, like that you'll go to heaven or if you sinned?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that was always it. It was like a heaven or hell type thing. That was like the big uh if you do this, like you're just you're on the path of righteousness, you will get to heaven. And this is like one of those steps, along with a bunch of other stuff that you can really do. Um, but that was the like whole guardrails of your life. Like, yeah, stay on this straight and narrow path, and then eventually you'll get to that pearly gate and you won't go to hell. Um, so yeah, which is like wild. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I tell Kelly, my husband's an atheist, and uh I tell him some of the stuff, and he was like, God, every time you tell me a story, it just gets crazier, guys.
SPEAKER_01That people believe it. And I was like, full on. I mean, I believed it. I believe they raised it, and I believed it. Yeah. And it was like, I'm doing right. Like I'm I'm righteous, and and yeah, I'm doing their rules and stories that humans have created, and our imaginations are phenomenal.
SPEAKER_07They're spectacular. I mean, the shit we can come up with, and then somebody's like, I think you need to write that down. Put it in a book. Oh, I put it in the book. I've got something else to add to that book. And then and then we're gonna make up some rules and we're gonna force people to follow them, and then we're gonna make this place called it's a really bad place. We're gonna call it hell. And if you don't follow these rules, and if you don't read these stories and believe them, then you're gonna go, and there's this guy, and he doesn't like you, and he's gonna torture you.
SPEAKER_05Your thoughts are gonna lead you down paths that send you straight to hell. Now, Sarabeth, answer me this Did it affect the way you viewed other people that were having sex?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I had some of my best friends when we were like 16, 17, were having sex, not everybody, but two of my best friends did. Um and that's me. Like I didn't I didn't care. Like um, I was like excited to have sex, like I was really looking forward to it. Um probably because even though my mom told me it was bad, I was still masturbating. Yeah. Which is naughty.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. It's so crazy. Well, we were never talked about, like, I don't recall my parents ever discussing masturbation with us. So I thought it meant I was pregnant. So I thought I was pregnant all the time. Like I was just like, how am I going to explain this? The police are going to be like, how did this happen? And I'll be like, and then they're going to throw me in the slammer. And they'll be like, she's got back hair, lock her up. She's going to have a backhaired baby.
SPEAKER_04She's a back hair, pregnant child idiot.
SPEAKER_05And God help her. But yeah, like it was never talked about. Yeah. And so I and I thought I was that special that I was the only person that ever did such an awful dirty bad thing. So it's isn't that terrible? Like I encourage people to talk about it with their girls. Yes. Oh.
SPEAKER_07My best friend Gina, her mom, we none of us had cable except for my friend Kristen. And that's the only time we'd get to watch MTV. And my friend Gina's mom would call MTV the masturbation station. And I knew it was like a bad thing because MTV was so cool. Yeah. The masturbation station.
SPEAKER_02Yep. Never did masturbate Tim TV. Me neither.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. I think it scared me. Yeah. Oh man, I love it. I couldn't understand it. It didn't make sense to me.
SPEAKER_07David Lee Roth and all the big hairbands and the guys with, you know, wearing makeup. They were so hot back then. Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_06Poisoned. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. How much older than me are you?
SPEAKER_07That white snake video with what's her name? Tani Katan sliding all over that car. I saw that girl and I was like, I want to be her.
SPEAKER_05I was, I was different than that. I liked, I didn't like the new kids on the block, but they were around. And so I would fantasize that they would all come to my school and that I was their little sister. That was what does that mean? I don't know. I had no sexual attraction to any of them. I was just like, they'll be my big brothers. And I'll be like, oh, these guys don't mind them. They're not related, but they're all my brother. That's very interesting. I don't know. Isn't that bizarre? I don't, I'm like, I don't remember being attracted to any celebrity when I was a kid. I was busy being weird as shit, so it's fine.
SPEAKER_07So Sara Beth, you waited and you waited until you were out of college, even. Um, were you tempted in college to have sex?
SPEAKER_01Um uh no, I could show you photos of me in college.
SPEAKER_06Did you have back hair too?
SPEAKER_02Um, my friends would joke, they would be like, you literally put on our like sweats, um, like our swim sweats, and you do not take them off for like the entire swim season.
SPEAKER_01And I would be like, and I wouldn't take showers because I would be like, I'm gonna just get in, I'm getting in the pool again, and like it's real.
SPEAKER_05That's a great point. I swam too, and it was like, what is the point?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I was like, I don't want that again. So I don't think anybody was like Courtney, you know, was really knocking at the door of being like, Yeah, let's get it. Um I want to take your flower.
SPEAKER_02I was probably the least sexually active college student to ever exist.
SPEAKER_05I I was runner up there. I was next to you.
SPEAKER_01Oh man. Um, yeah, so so no, like college was very uh I was yeah, did not have any, didn't date, didn't do anything, just swam and went to school.
SPEAKER_07And that was like after college, did you then have like a boyfriend or two and start to explore?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I moved out to LA when I was 25.
SPEAKER_05And amazing aversion moving to LA.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I lived at home in my small town in North Carolina right after college for a couple of years. And everybody was like, Don't you want a date? And I was like, No, I am not staying here. I am not dating anybody in this town. So smart.
SPEAKER_05Out so smart. Jesus.
SPEAKER_01So I so that was a good chase time in my life. And then when I moved out to LA, um, I um, you know, was on my own, like finding myself. I was very um, I was 25, but probably had the sexual maturity of like a 14-year-old, maybe. Yeah, girl.
SPEAKER_07I got those hormones pumping in your system.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I was like, you know, long story short, I started dating a couple of guys that I worked with, um, because I was at work all the time. And I um worked a lot um in the post-production world. And we at the time it was really male-dominated. Um probably still is. But so I after about a year of being there, I started dating some guys. And there was this one guy, and he was probably like, I don't know, in his early 30s at the time. Um, he was from the Pacific Northwest, and he was like the quintessential, like Pacific Northwest man that you think about.
SPEAKER_07Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's that's the reason I moved up here was to find that man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like tall, like like thick and muscular, but not like gym muscular, just like naturally, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go chop this tree house.
SPEAKER_03Like, I'm gonna handle the everything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And he was just like strong and he rode a motorcycle. Like, oh god, y'all forget it. He was lovely. Oh and so we uh started uh we started dating a little bit, like very casually, just like going out a couple of times. And um I can remember him like wanting to go there, and I would be like, So I was so nervous, and I had no confidence in myself. And he was just so like worldly and had, I don't know, just like knew his shit and like was very like good. Honestly, like he is like what romance novels are like are written about. Oh my god. Like have that kind of like just that charisma and like strength, and yeah, um he just knew like the right moves to do, and oh my god, I was like, I was like out of my depth. I'm like, yeah, oh my god, and I was so nervous.
SPEAKER_07And then I did he know you were a virgin. Okay. So here we go.
SPEAKER_01This is yeah. Um we went out one night and we went to see a movie, and then we went back to his place. And I oh god, it was some movie about it was like a pandemic movie, like some love. It was contagion. Contagent. It was contagion, I think. Yeah, yes. That's super hot.
SPEAKER_05Paint the story. I want to hear, like, I like it all.
SPEAKER_01His house was near a movie theater. We walked down to the movie theater and walking back, and we got back to his house, and I can't remember all the details about like how we got to where we got, but we were in the bed and we were all naked. Oh, yeah. And I went down on him. Oh my, and he was very well endowed.
SPEAKER_03Oh dear.
SPEAKER_02God had blessed him. And were you like fit? Yeah. So I was like trying to get it.
unknownExactly.
SPEAKER_02I like was trying to get it in my mouth, and I um literally I sat up and I was like, this might be a problem.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, that's right. I then I said, I'm a virgin.
SPEAKER_02And I was like, when like we are full on naked in his bed. I was like, what was I gonna tell him when he like popped my hymen and then just like, yeah, tada!
SPEAKER_04Confetti comes out. I just like think back on it and I'm like, that's so precious. This poor guy. We are like full on in it.
SPEAKER_01And I just am like, so surprise. Um, I've never done this. And bless his heart, he was so great. He was just like, okay, so why do you want to do this? And I can remember saying, like, I'm not in love with you. Oh, I'm not in love with you. Like, I don't expect you, and my dad's not gonna show up with like three goats and a cow and be like, you're fucking like yours now, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so loves the pool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so we did have sex. He was like, okay, like and two, I was like, did he have lube? Yeah, and well and okay, so okay, for your first time to get lube out? I mean I don't know, because I was like, and he was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to wear a condom because there was like there was gonna be like no way that we could do it with one. Like it was just not gonna like I don't know. Yeah, and so I'm like, okay. That's what they all say. I know, and then he was like, I'm gonna pull out. I don't want to make him look bad. He was not, he was not that way at all. Jury's out on that.
SPEAKER_05Can't wear a phone, I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_01So we had sex, and then I could remember, I was like, I there's no way I'm gonna like have an orgasm. Like I'm you know, like I have no, like what am I doing? Like, I have no idea what I'm doing. Like, so I was like, you can just like finish, it's cool. And then uh we were laying in bed, and he was like, All right, we'll have like an early day tomorrow or something. And he kicks you out.
SPEAKER_08He was such a nice guy, though. He's like a really good dude.
SPEAKER_07I was like, I was like, Although hey bitch, I can't wear a condom, and I think it's time you go. I I wish I could, but because you're a virgin, I can't wear a condom.
SPEAKER_01And uh it's just so funny because I have like never thought about it like in that in that context. Because I also do know him and I I don't know, yeah. I'm sure we're just we're fucking with you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and so I was like, oh yeah, that that made that makes sense.
SPEAKER_05Like I should probably get the fuck out of leave, take my shredded virginity with me.
SPEAKER_06So you walk to your car. Oh, and were you in shock?
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, I you know, I like I remember like the next week. So two days later, I had sex with them again. Um I like immediately went to Planned Parenthood like the next day. And y'all are like on top of your lives. And I mean, not really. I should have been like, I'm gonna do this and I should probably go do it before I got birth control. And then went back and like we had sex two days later or something like that again. And then long story short, like a week later, I'd asked him to go to see one of the movies at the Hollywood Cemetery. And then he was like, like the day of, he was like, I can't, like something came up, and so um, and then shortly after that, he told me that an ex girlfriend had come back into his life and that they were gonna try to get back together. Well, when he told me that, I was like, Well, you know what I can do? I can go fuck now because I've already done it.
SPEAKER_06So I could just send to him. No, I didn't know. You know what I can do now? Oh I was like Sarah Beth.
SPEAKER_04I know I was like, you know what I can do?
SPEAKER_01I can go about somebody else. And I have been dating empowering. Yeah, and I had been dating this other guy. And so, like, oh, I can remember like calling him up one night and being like, hey, can I come over? And I went over and I had sex with him.
SPEAKER_07Okay, how many days after you lost your virginity? Just like another week or two?
SPEAKER_01I think like within like hell yes. Nice. Hell yeah. Yeah. Um, and then I left immediately after. I was like, okay, I gotta go. Later skater. And he was so nice. And he was like, you can stay. Like, and you know, he was so sweet. Um, he was such a great person. And I was like, no, that's okay. And I realized like after that, I was like, I'm really into this other guy, and I'm actually really brokenhearted about how things like ended. Um and anyway, so it was not a terrible way to lose my virginity per se. I don't think I would have done things a lot different, like told him ahead of time before we were naked in his bed, and I had his dick in my mouth.
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_04Oh, I'm like, who does it? Oh my god. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Someone that is a virgin does that. That's what we do. Because we don't know. We don't know. I just was not confident at all. Like to be able to tell him that and like just be forthcoming and stuff. And I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. Like one of my friends, when I was telling her the story, um, she was like, God, you probably just like skipped over all like the awkward bad sex that you have when you're in high school. 100%.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Girl, I don't know that I did though. Because now I feel like I just had sex with people that knew what they were doing, and I had no idea what I was doing. And they're like, she's really bad at this.
SPEAKER_07It's like I no, I don't think men think that at all. Not at all. Nope.
SPEAKER_05Because I think that the men can really be bad at it. They're the ones that it's like, yeah, Jesus. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Whoa.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. No. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so yeah, that was my story. And then like after that, um, I uh I've only had sex with, and this is what it's funny that I tell my husband this is like I've had sex who my husband is number seven. So I didn't know. I didn't know. I mean, I and I met uh I met him uh when I was 28 or 29. So I mean I'm you know I was pretty shortly after a couple years made it count.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I know that's what you should do. Oh my gosh, but I was like, I should have maybe I should have done more before I got married. Oh blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_01Whatever. You guys call role play. Yeah, well, that's what I tell Kelsey. I'm like, you get the best. I was like, I was so sexually deprived for so many years. Like, yeah, yeah, you just hit the jackpot, baby.
SPEAKER_05You did, bro. You did. Way to go, Kelsey. Snaps for Kelsey. Yeah. Penguin marriage, gang article.
SPEAKER_07So dream. When you finally did get married, was there just this little like nugget inside of you that was like, oh, now I'm no longer sinning? Because you were raised so strictly Christian? Oh, yeah, good question.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I can tell you, so Kelsey and I lived together. We moved in together um and bought a house together before we got married. Oh, wow. And I can remember when I told my parents that we were moving in together. Um, and I had, by the way, I moved up, I was in LA when I met Kelsey. And then we dated long distance for about a year and a half, and then I moved up here to be with him. So clearly it was very serious. Right. Um and I was up here for about a year when I moved into with him. And I can remember telling my parents, and they got so mad at me. Um, they didn't talk to me for it. I mean, I can't remember how long it was, but eventually like, yeah. Um they didn't talk to me, and then my grandparents sent me a letter that was actually it was as nice as it could possibly have been for what they were trying to say. Basically, like, we don't agree with like what you're doing, and you should come home and like feeling like I was on the path straight to hill, out of she's out of control. Yeah, come home. Uh-huh. And I can remember I got so upset over that email. And Kelsey was like, if it's important to you, and Kelsey had never like cared about getting married or anything like that. He was like, It's just not, I don't really see myself getting married. It's not important to me. Um, he doesn't have any of that religious context at all. Um, and I remember getting so upset over that email, and he was like, if it's important to you, like we can get married, but if it's important to you and not like because your family thinks that this is something that you need to do.
SPEAKER_09Right.
SPEAKER_01Um and yeah, and I remember I had a hard time with him being an atheist, and they were very concerned about that. That changed my perspective on like how I when I see somebody in a relationship that I'm like, I don't know if this is like the right person for you. Like it changes my um like how I think about that. Cause I'm like, I don't like hearing somebody tell you that like you're not with the person that you should be with, and like this relationship is not good, and this person's not good, it sucks. It is painful. Oh my gosh. Especially your family. Especially your family. Like it was really, it was really tough. And um they uh have a I mean, I could I never got like an apology or anything for any of that. And never acknowledged anything, and I didn't probably didn't tell them how much it affected me, but um now they uh they love Kelsey and they well, I'll be sure they listen to this episode.
SPEAKER_07Oh my gosh. And no, I'm like, oh sorry.
SPEAKER_04Hey, yeah, no, like uh parents be advised.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're telling the truth. This is what happened. I am telling the truth. Like, I mean it is. No, for that just it just forms, it's just my story and yeah, helps me uh hopefully be a better person and more understanding.
SPEAKER_07And yeah, it's understanding. But okay, so looking back now, what do you wish your teenage you had been told, like plainly, honestly, and without any shame around sex?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think if you're gonna do it, like have that conversation, have both conversations of like, hey, this is what we know, we're gonna say, this is we, this is the best path that we think. And you can choose to do that or not, like, and you don't know where life is gonna lead. The rules around people are getting married at like 14, 15, 16, like in the Bible. And it's like now it's like women and men are not getting married, like we're and anybody not getting married until later in life. Um 45. Yeah, and you're like, am I waiting?
SPEAKER_07Like, I've never had insane. Yeah, I've never had premarital sex.
SPEAKER_05So you're so oh Emily, you're so good.
SPEAKER_07Because it's not premarital sex if you're not getting married. Boom, boom. Loophole, motherfucker! Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I'll see you in heaven, bitch.
SPEAKER_07Yes, that's right. I'm gonna be riding my unicorn Pegasus through the sky, dildo in hand. Dildo in hand.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. Yes. So I think that's what I would I like. Here's the here's this one path. But if you like, if you have this other path, like if you choose that, you know, you're gonna have sex or whatever, like be smart about it. Teach contraception. Do you really want to be pro-life and and prevent abortion? Like, yep. Teach people how to avoid that and don't and provide access to that stuff. Like, I just like it's just so unrealistic, I feel like, to not have sex.
SPEAKER_07Basal level, we are animals, and once those hormones kick in, you know, anywhere from you know, 10 plus years for boys and girls, you want to start having sex. It's our natural instinct to procreate and do that. And like you just said, teach them, get on contraceptives. Yeah, like you can still be good and go to church and you know, be in a loving, committed relationship with somebody, but the shame around it all is so terrible. I think terrible. Yes. Yeah, you're not a bad person.
SPEAKER_01You're not a bad person. Yeah, yeah. Just be smart and also like choose an a good partner. I think that above any, like choose someone that is gonna be respectful and yeah, like and don't feel and don't feel pressured. Like you should never feel pressured to have sex with someone. Absolutely not. Um, and or to have sex by a certain time or anything like that. Like do it for yourself and and be and be smart about it. I'm and talk about STDs and like I I love, I read a lot of romance books or and or listen to a lot of romance books on tape, and I'm so impressed with like a Of those, like put that in there of like before those characters have sex. They're like, like, have you had a recent STI test? And I'm like, Wonderful. I was like, where was all that? Like, it was just shoved down our throats of like, this is fear, you're gonna get this if you have sex. So just don't do it and not talk about, like, okay, when you do do it, because you're probably gonna do it at some point.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. What it's just like this denial. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07What would you tell somebody listening now if they're growing up in a similar environment or they feel like behind or broken or they're late to the party? Like, what would you want them to know?
SPEAKER_01I think again, just make your choice for yourself. And if that is your choice and that is your path, and then by all means, like stay on that path. Like, do what is gonna make you happy. Um but don't feel it's not a shameful thing. Sex isn't bad. Yeah, you don't need to like hide away your desires, talk about it, like, or if you can't talk about it, if you don't have like that relationship with your parents or you know, anybody in her life, like um email us. Yeah, yeah, like like find find stuff. Watch like sex in the city. I can remember seeing my friend, one of my swim friends, I was spending the night at her house and she had HBO, and she was not really raised in uh as religious religious of a household as I was, and we were watching Sex in the City, and I can remember it blew my mind. I was like, oh my god, these women are like talking about masturbation, and it's like totally fine. And I was like, oh my gosh, I just felt like not alone in that like moment. And I was like, oh my god, it's not like I can have ownership of that. Yeah, and that's probably it. Own your own sexuality for whatever that means for you, if that does mean that you are gonna wait until marriage or until you find the person that you want to marry, whether you wait until like the wedding night or whatever, like just own it for yourself and own your decisions and be be as smart and safe as you can be. Cause I definitely was not like I was an idiot. Me neither. You know, I was just so dumb. Like, did not precautions and like I'm like lucky that I don't have the same here. Like, I'm so lucky. Like I'm very lucky as well.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, very, very lucky. Dodged a lot of motherfucking bullets.
SPEAKER_01Dodged a lot of bullets because I also like not having the confidence of myself, I think I used alcohol too as like a little bit of a crutch when I um I would get like too drunk and then I would have sex with people. And I was like, I can't remember if we did put on a condom. You know, like and you're just like, oh my god, like what's happening? What's happening? And and uh I just I I if I could go back like and tell myself when I was starting out, like just yeah, be confident, like don't um definitely don't use don't use alcohol as a way to like loosen up and like and and feel like you can go do like what you want to do.
SPEAKER_07Like I also think like ask questions while you're having sex, like does that feel good? Do you like this? Because then it opens the guy up too to want to talk to you about it. And then you guys can really start to have some fun. Right.
SPEAKER_01And that was definitely like when I um there was one guy that I was um in a relationship with, and uh that was like the first time um that I started feeling that confidence. Like um he really celebrated my body and like made me feel really confident and like and how I looked. And you know, just hearing somebody say, like, oh my god, you're just so beautiful, and like it just it gives you that like it does, yeah. Empowers you and hopefully not too embarrassed because he Kelsey doesn't get embarrassed, but um I've like since we're we can try let's let's come in and go, let's go for it. Yeah. Um but since being married to him, it's or being being with him, um uh you know, it's just it's been really nice to get comfortable with someone and just explore new things and talk about, like talk about like, oh hey, yeah, this does feel good. Like I really like this, and finding new positions and just it's really nice. Like talking is is huge. And you can do that even if you're just with somebody for one night. Like so true. Yep.
SPEAKER_08Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I don't know about you ladies, but in the beginning, I was performing as as what a woman having sex, I would just perform. So I honestly, I don't even know if I liked the intimate part of it, I didn't care about the physical that was and then dudes would be like, Did you have an orgasm? I'd be like, Yeah, totally, big time. Never did. Well, and my first, my first boyfriend, he's the guy I lost my virginity to, God bless him. We started having sex, and I was doing what I thought is what you do, which is a full-on theatrical performance. And um, about a year after we'd started, he's like, So, how many times would you say you're having an orgasm when we have sex? And I'd be like, Oh, none. No, not a single one. And he and he cried, like he was devastated. So then we started to work on it, which I don't know about you guys, but the moment I start to really hyper focus on having an orgasm, that shit's never gonna happen. Oh, yeah, never. So then we worked and worked and worked and worked, so finally I just started faking it again. And so a year later, because we were together for about four years, he was like, So now, how many times would you say you've had an orgasm? And I was like, I have none. And then oh, cried again. Like it was awful. So there was so much of not wanting to discuss it with partners for me after that because I was like, I can't be honest, because it's just going to become this chore where you know, sex still is satisfying when you're having sex and you don't, at least I've experienced that. And men really have a hard time. Well, boys at that time, I was, you know, I was younger then.
SPEAKER_07Uh but I think men have a hard time with it still, if for sure that if they don't think they're getting you off that they're doing something wrong. And it's I, you know, I can't speak for every woman, but it doesn't happen every time. And you know, absolutely not. Do I fake it anymore? No. Like it still feels good, like you said, Courtney. Like it's still fun.
SPEAKER_05There's a satisfaction there completely. And I I also wasn't comfortable talking about it for a very long time, like into my 30s, like once I got into recovery, and that was kind of fun because it was more like I really knew myself. I felt good about myself. I I I trusted myself. I grew up, my sister and my mother both bed and wed the same man. Like they married the only person they'd ever slept with. And I've been keeping a list of everybody I've ever been. I have a list too. Do you? Yes, I have a written-down list. Oh I've always been curious about people's numbers because why not? Yeah, I just think it's interesting.
SPEAKER_01So it is interesting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Agreed. And I think it's empowering. And too, the trouble is for me, is like my heart always got involved. Like, I would love to be that, like, I can sleep with him and walk away, which I can now for the most part. Well, I could not now. I don't even know the guy's name last night. He's still here though. It's weird. I made him chilly. I don't. We have breakfast. What? When I was 25, I slept with another, so then it was three people for the longest time when I was in LA, which was, and then I I literally quadrupled that number in like three months. Yeah. Nice. I was depressed and using alcohol as a crutch and also drugs. But I was also super thin that I had been because I was depressed. So I just felt I was looking for looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love, you know. Yeah. That's other anytime uh growing up, uh or even in my 20s, if a guy would look at me across the room, any guy, any dude, I would be like, they're falling in love with me. It was never they're attracted to me. It was always they are in love with me. And this is gonna be so romantic. And then when I really started to get my first couple hard knocks of people using me, um, and I I was using them too, but I also like I just imagined that like, how are you not in love with me? Like, I'm yeah, I'm adorable. And then so then that cut down my self-esteem quite a bit. But just not like looking at people with sexual attraction, it was always like love. This, yeah, yeah, this leads to love.
SPEAKER_01That's a yeah, that's a good point. That's how it's framed as like this is an act between people that love each other. Yeah. Yeah. And trying to get over it, doesn't have to be that.
SPEAKER_04It doesn't.
SPEAKER_05And like I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache because I just figured he's looking at me so hard, he's so in love. After I moved from LA to Virginia, um, and my partner at the time, we were still sort of together. So I waited four years, like, not a single person touched me in a like it was, and I needed that space, especially because I was coming off drugs, coming off alcohol, had to really like reframe my whole life, like figure out who I was and all of that. But like, so and then having to start again, but with raw dog, like no booze, no drugs, no anything.
SPEAKER_04And the first guy, oh Lord help us all.
SPEAKER_05I met him on, I met him on plenty of fish. No, okay, cupid. And he lived two streets away from me in his parents' basement, and he worked at Hot Topic. Um, these were not things I knew before I went over there, but I was so ready. I was like, he was funny. He was like super funny and smart. And so we were like, and then he was like, Why don't you just come over? And I was like, Well, I will. And so I did. And I get there and I'm like, What the fuck am I doing?
unknownWhat the fuck am I doing?
SPEAKER_05And and he kept looking at me and going, seriously though, what's wrong with you? Like, why are you here? Like what? And I was like, Oh, I'm in recovery. He was like, Oh, okay. She was like, something's, and I was, I felt I was so flattered. I was like, oh, that's sweet. And um, he turned out to be a very fun friend, but cool, that's I was so ready to just it was like losing my virginity all over again. I was like, I gotta get this out of here. And I knew there was not a love thing there, even though part of me was like, but maybe, and I was like, oh no, no, no, no. His legs are skinnier than mine. No, no, no, no, no. So yeah. He did, he worked at Hot Topic. I'd go and visit him at the mall. Isn't that something?
SPEAKER_01Uh fun fact, my mom uh banned my sister from shopping because they play on TV, it's the masturbation story.
SPEAKER_04It was it was the devil's store, y'all. It is the devil's store.
SPEAKER_03It is the devil's candy store right there. They've got red suspenders with skulls on them.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they got you out of your mind. Yeah. Sarah Math, if you lost your mind. They have socks with the devil himself on them. That's right. They got pins. Anyway.
SPEAKER_05Um, but yeah, so that was my first parlay into back into uh having sex again, which I'll tell you, going four years without anyone, like any touch of any kind of like attraction was hard. And I the only places I was going was teaching a jazzer size class, which mostly always women, um, and then going to AA meetings, which um is not a hotbed of of mental health or like strong relationships, just a lot of people trying to be better people. Um, and I stopped going to meeting with men in them because I felt like they were gonna like if a man just like slightly looked at me, I'd be like, you want a fuck? Like I was so hard up. And I was like trying to like chill, but I felt I felt like if someone was like, if they brushed my arm, I would just be like, ha ha, like it was crazy. As I was also in my 30s, peaking, you know, the sexual peaks. So I was like, I can't.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_07Same here, Courtney. It I went almost five years recently. Oh shit, like without sex. Yes, yes. It was I had broken up with somebody literally, I think March 18th, 2020. Okay. Not knowing we were going into a lockdown for two years.
SPEAKER_05Weren't we already in the lockdown at that point?
SPEAKER_07It was, I think it had just started. They were like, wherever you're at, like, leave businesses close for like a week or two. Right. Um, and I had just literally that day broken up with this guy. We went into a lockdown. Here in Seattle, we had one of the strictest quarantines nationwide, if not worldwide. I don't, we were basically closed for about two years. I got real comfortable in my sweats with my cat eating Mexican food. Hell yeah. Yeah. It was bad. And then as soon as like we were coming out, I was not feeling great about myself, but trying to, you know, get my body back together, I was diagnosed with cancer. And then shoot that happened. And then it was just like another two plus years on top of that, where it's not that I didn't want to date, but how do you start a relationship when you're like, I'm I would go tomorrow, but I have chemotherapies.
SPEAKER_09So, you know, we yeah.
SPEAKER_07And then I was bald, and then I, you know, I thought for a moment, like when I was bald, I was like, I'm still pretty cute, you know, my hair might it's gonna start growing back. So I took some photos, I put myself out there. Nobody wanted anything to do with me at that point, and that's kind of when the recovery hit, and I hit rock bottom for a quite a while. And I did not want to be around people, period, not even friends. Like I didn't want to hole up in my house by myself all the time. Absolutely. Yeah, and so it it was a while. And for for me, like those four and a half years are such a blur. Like, I just I don't feel that I'm the age I am. I don't think that it's you know, now 2026, it still feels like 2020 to me a little bit. Amen. None of that happened, none of that happened for me, and all of a sudden I'm like, fuck, I'm getting old and I'm not done having sex. I don't want to be done with having sex. Yeah. Right? I do. I would like to be done.
SPEAKER_05Hi, um, Sarah Beth, my uh my beautiful, wonderful, sweet angel husband. Um, he is 52 and we it's daily, if not more than once a day.
SPEAKER_08Whoa.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. It's um I'm I'm I I I I know that there's women out there hearing that and like, oh my gosh, you're so lucky.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, am I? Am I? I mean, that's a lot of time. Yeah. Who's got the time?
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_04Who how how does he he's 52?
SPEAKER_05He's had five babies.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05He's one and he I mean he's absolutely delightful. So if I can take one for the team, I will, right? Like he's just so special and wonderful. So that's been so I have had more sex in the last three years of my life than I have had in my entire life. It's unbelievable. Yeah. So has he always been like that in his life?
SPEAKER_01Like just a higher sex drive? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Like really just five kids. Like apparently. Yeah, right. But it's hard. It's hard. You know, marriage is hard. No, I'm just kidding. But um, it's really not, but it's that is not a problem I foresaw in my future.
SPEAKER_04Um, I never was like, oh I oh, I hope I don't have it too much, you know.
SPEAKER_05I never was concerned about that. So um, and it's funny because it's very uh widely known. I I don't like to uh I I like to like never have a filter on my mouth, which gets me into trouble. But um, especially being on a podcast, I say some shit. But yeah, I mean it is also cool. I mean, we've we're three years in, so I'm not like after three years he still finds me attractive.
SPEAKER_01Like so yeah, yeah, but that I mean, but it does fade over like the frequency and like all that stuff typically does like um fade. Not at Courtney's house, but not there.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna hold you to it. I don't know what I will do. So I'm I'm all of a sudden very open to discussing open relationships. Just kidding. I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_09I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_05Not at all.
SPEAKER_04Someone else gonna come in and help. Pad team, can we can we do a relay or something?
SPEAKER_05I wonder if she's out there listening right now. He there's nothing he's never heard before. Well, and I also was chatting with one of his sisters because he's one of 10. So he's got a big old family. Yeah, wonderful, loving, amazing family. And his sisters are so incredible. And one of them and I were talking, and I had made a comment, like, yeah, but he has a lot of sex, like something that she probably didn't want to hear about. But then she goes, Well, and she laughed. She was like, Oh, I know all about my brother. And I was like, What? She was like, I thought maybe you were a sex addict, and that's why it was working out so well. And I was like, I was like, What's funny is though, I've been hit in every other addiction category except for sex. Where it really would have fucking served me, right? Like, not that's where I'm like, I would like moderation, please. I'm gonna snort that cocaine off that prostitute's nipple, but but I'm not gonna have sex with her.
SPEAKER_04I'm not gonna have sex with her more than once. That's where I draw the line.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. I only want it once. Only once, but I'll uh you know, whatever those pills are, I'll take nine. But um I don't too much sense is not a good thing. Anyway, so yeah, that's uh well, and I was also consulting my married friends because I've had married friends, I mean, I was single for 12 years, like just so I now I'm like I can actually dip into this wealth of knowledge that all these women around me have. So I've been asking women like how often do you have sex in your marriage? And um once a week is one woman. They have they have a day that they do it Wednesdays. Um and some uh are like twice a month. Interesting, some are six months, especially folks with kids. It's changes a lot. Um but but yeah, so because I've just I have no idea. Like I the longest relationship I was in was eight years, but we were both on and off drugs, and I it was also long distance. So so this is all yeah, everybody's different, yeah. Their needs, their, they're um yeah. So it's fascinating. I'm telling you, life just gets more and more interesting. It sure does. I agree.
SPEAKER_07It's fun to have these conversations. It is unless you do and you don't know, you really like what everyone else is doing, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Right. Yeah, it's so interesting to be honest and open about it. Like, because it just I'm so curious about how other people like you know, do their thing, do their thing. Uh-huh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_07Well, Cerberus, do you have anything else you want to add to this?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm That is a good question. What do you think about abortion? Good or bad? Oh, that's a great that's that's a great question. Are you for or against?
SPEAKER_02Funny you should ask. What made you ask that?
SPEAKER_01I want to hear you can read, right?
SPEAKER_07But abortion is healthcare.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that has totally flipped in my life too. Yeah. So growing up, it was like, no, no, no. And funny enough, my dad, I can remember him telling me in high school, and he was like, um, he's like the government shouldn't be able to tell you what you should do to your body. So he was like, he was like, Wow, I know. And then I said, I repeated that to him. Hell yeah, dad. And she was like, absolutely not. She was like, abortion is wrong. Like, you know, like from a religious standpoint. It was like totally, and I don't know where I don't know if my dad's like changed his tune on that. Like, um, it was like a very interesting yeah, it is interesting, very interesting. So I was on the like, no, it's never okay to get one. And I can remember I studied abroad in Spain and I was having a uh conversation in Spanish, very rudimentary. Of course. I am not fluent. I am not fluent with my senora who was taking care of me, and she was very, very liberal and like, and she was like, Well, what if your and she just used my sister as an example? She was like, Well, what if your sister had been like um had been raped or something like that? Like, would you think and she had gotten pregnant? Like um and I literally remember being like no it's just not okay and I'm like I'm like who was that person? I was like look at this person that had like these like very dogmatic views and just you know and I had been I like was raised in North Carolina, went to school in North Carolina, it was just you know, my my you know my frame of reference for the world was very narrow. Right. And um as I've I wish I could go back to her now and be like, like, look at me now, look where like I I am totally on the other end of the spectrum. I'm like, if you if it's not the right choice for you, absolutely don't do it. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. But you don't have the right to tell somebody else like what they can do for themselves. And the flat out bans are just so bad for for women, for the woman. Yes, for the women's healthcare. It's like I have friends that would have died had they not been able to have one, you know, and that's happening. It's it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. It's like, can we please stop having this? Can we please go back and like stop having this conversation because it's insane. It is really, you know, it's not about I wish we could be in a world where it wasn't something we needed to have available.
SPEAKER_05I wish that. For sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And like I wish that like women didn't have to make that choice. Um, but they have every right to be able to make it. You can't like judge somebody's situation and have a say.
SPEAKER_07It's it's all circumstantial. It just you know, it comes down to your situation, like you just said.
SPEAKER_05But yeah, but yeah, it's on and what's important, I think, is that we have these conversations, but not with just us who all agree wholeheartedly. Right. But have it with people that are like a perfect example. My partner he is uh had a different tune about it, and we and instead of me getting like upset and like losing my mind because it's because it's fucking insane. Um I we were able to have a real con and I was able to give him my life experiences of of what I've seen in my life and why I feel the way I feel about the things about abortion about and I have changed his tune, folks.
SPEAKER_07Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_06That's good. I mean that's huge.
SPEAKER_05That's big. And like it is it, you know, it it's a topic that's really hard, but it's also just like let's listen and it's actually in the conversation. Yeah. Yeah, great. Listen to the motherfucking women.
SPEAKER_07Listen to the women. Um you know, and I'm gonna derail us from the abortion talk, but again, it comes down to men making these rules and men thinking they know what's right when they don't know anything about women. And my boyfriend right now is putting together an Airbnb in his got a little mother-in-law in his house. And I was like, okay, and you need curtains. He's like, it's in the basement. Nobody comes back here, nobody can see. And I'm like, as a woman, if I were to come in here and there are five exposed windows to the outside, I don't know who's living upstairs, I don't know this neighborhood, I want fucking curtains. And he was like, I never thought about it like that. And I'm like, because you don't ask women. You're not a crazy animal. Yes. Women's. I'm like, he's like, I would never do that. I would never look in. No one's coming back here. I'm like, but you're not a woman. You don't every time you walk down the street, you don't know who's behind you. You're I always have like that sixth sense going on back there, looking over my shoulder, making sure what's around the corner, this and that. Women always think about that. It's rape anxiety, is what it is. It is we're always crazy. We're always in fight or flight.
SPEAKER_05I also teach a class at five o'clock in the morning, and we had nothing but windows. And one morning this man just walks up and he tries to open the door, and then he points at it and he goes, Unlock the door. And I, as I'm teaching, and I'm like, You get and I said, get the fuck out of here. And I pointed. So it turns out he was a construction guy, a part of the building. He needed to come in to look at something, but I'm like, and they and and I had called the police because I was like, this man is trying to like to point at me and say, unlock it. Like, yeah. So I went and had a conversation with the cop and and him because they were kind of like, he's just there. I was like, I I would like you both to go home and talk to your wives about this, like about this scenario. I'm alone, it's dark out, one man, five women that I'm responsible for. I was ready. I was ready to dance, jazz, square him out of there. Absolutely. They have no fucking idea.
SPEAKER_07They have no ideas, so they can't be making laws for women. No, is what it comes down to.
SPEAKER_02Agreed.
SPEAKER_07Boom. You don't get it. Boom. And on that note, hey Sarabeth, what's the nicest thing anybody has ever done for you?
SPEAKER_01Oh, the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. It can be anything, anytime. Something that surprised you just something awesome. Um I okay, I will say this is something I love to eat. And I eat a lot. I have always cooks for me all the time.
SPEAKER_05Yes, he does. What's your favorite thing that he cooks?
SPEAKER_01Oh man, he loves Asian food of any kind, and he makes a really good fried rice. Um it is really, really good. Um, I mean, he's just a really good cook, and I that like food is like the way to my heart, and he's girls for me, and it is so wonderful. And I thank God every day for my yes food loving chef, atheist husband.
SPEAKER_04Kelsey. Yeah, girl. Kelsey, go. Yeah. So that is I love that.
SPEAKER_05That's but I want to say, Sarah Beth, you were a part of that day when we were all at the beach when I I encountered that seal. That's one of the most awe-inspiring moments of my life. Like it was, I'll lay in bed and just replay it. I'm like, oh my god.
SPEAKER_01You were such a badass. Okay, so Puget Sound is never warm. It is always effective. Don't believe anybody that tells you differently.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And even though it was the middle of summer and it was sunny, that water is still like so cold, four degrees on a good day. Yeah. Um, and you just like in your bikini said, I'm doing it. And like, we're out standing.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, I can remember you standing there and being like, ooh, it's so chilly. And then you're just like, I am in the water, I'm going out. You just started swimming out.
SPEAKER_06And then that you swim out to like the buoy, and you're like, where are you guys going?
SPEAKER_07We're like, we don't ever swim out that far.
SPEAKER_06Like standing there and like, look at her go.
SPEAKER_01And then the sea was just like, here, look at these animals that are just gonna welcome.
SPEAKER_06And you're like, it's right there. Dude, it was so awesome.
SPEAKER_05I'm swimming and I'm it's the darkest black I've ever seen. And I'm also thinking, they don't swim out here, they swim alongside, and so I'm going, and so I kept flipping over because I was, I mean, the fear was so wonderful and like so overwhelming. So I kept flipping over because I was like, and then that's when I saw him. And I'll just never forget his little, he's like, Lady, what the fuck? I was like, what do I do? You guys said, it's fun, he'll probably come up to you. And then he went bloop, and then he came around and he was like, and then I was like, swimming right back to you guys. But I was so like, it's one, it really what a moment. And so I'm grateful that you were there. And like, probably because you guys were there, I was like, I'm gonna, you know, these girls are real deal kick-ass bitches. So I'm gonna just go for it and just You did.
SPEAKER_01I think about that so much when I'm getting, I'm like, be Courtney, man.
SPEAKER_02Just get your vagina in the water.
SPEAKER_05And I was like, I was about to get all my teeth pulled.
SPEAKER_03I was like, start doing some crazy shit.
SPEAKER_05I want to let these teeth see what they can see before they get pulled out of my head. It was on their farewell tour.
SPEAKER_06Give them one last final party. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05Plus those little tubers. Yeah, but that was I'll just never forget it. And I was so cool having you got the that and you guys bringing me to a place where I could do something like that. Like, so cool. That was a badass bitches.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yep.
SPEAKER_07Uh SP, thank you so much for coming on today. Real quick, do you have anything you want to plug or share or where people can find you or anything, books you're reading, anything you're listening to, other than the bank account information? I don't even know.
SPEAKER_05Deposits only deposits only. Deposit only. How cool that looks like Venmo.
SPEAKER_01I'm not very active on social media. My most recent active activity was uh trying to get my a little foster pup adopted. Um so I do, I would recommend uh this lightheartedly is set up animal only Instagram account. If you need like a break from the the onslaught of tragic information that comes out every day. Umbeliev. Have your little like pet uh Instagram and go on there and just see fun videos of all the animals.
SPEAKER_07I love that. It's so awesome. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Foster's doing amazing things. And that's just like all your feed is, and it's it's absolutely wonderful. You can kind of just take a break. So that's been a really nice, like I that is something that I have learned in the past uh the past year that I've really um enjoy. Yeah. Um, but I think other than that, I know it's really tough out there for everybody. So be kind to yourself, stay informed, but take the breaks. Take your little take your little Instagram puppy cat video breaks. Um but uh and then yeah, be kind to each other. I think that's what we really, really need. Um Courtney, I um appreciated your story about ta talking to your husband about a difficult topic that didn't get emotional. It's like that's something I have I struggle with. It's so hard.
SPEAKER_05It's so hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And um, and so I think that like being able to find those moments where we can talk to each other and uh and uh be be reasonable and have empathy. Absolutely. If we can all just try to do that on a small scale, then it'll make a big difference. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely.
SPEAKER_07No, thank you for coming on today. Oh my God. Honestly, and thank you for sharing your story and sharing everything. It's awesome. It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01This is great. I love, I love the um, I love what y'all are doing. I love listening to your podcast. I'm I appreciate the honesty and the the honest conversations. It's just nice. It's just nice to talk about stuff, right?
SPEAKER_07Thank you. We've all got stuff. And yes, thank you to all of our listeners. Uh, please write into us, let us know. Um, if you want to talk to us, if you want to reach out to Sarah Beth, we can get in contact with her. Our email is that wasn't the planpod at gmail.com. You can always reach us through our website at that wasn't theplan.com, or you can find us on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. Uh that wasn't the plan podcast. Just look out for us. Um, Sarah Beth, Courtney, thank you so much for being here today.
SPEAKER_04Thanks, Sarah Beth. What a nice time.
SPEAKER_07Until we talk to you again. Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_06Yes, indeed. Bye.
unknownBye.
SPEAKER_07Thanks for listening to That Wasn't the Plan. If you found it helpful or at least mildly entertaining, a quick rating, review, and a click on the subscribe button would be lovely. And it genuinely helps us. And if a friend comes to mind, please share. Until next time. Bye.
